VWAT VWAT!

Recipe For Life

2010-08-16T03:43:00.004-04:00

“What would you like people to think about you when you’ve gone?”

“I’d like for them to say he took a few cups of love, he took 1 tablespoon of patience, 1 teaspoon of generosity, 1 pint of kindness. He took 1 quart of laughter, 1 pinch of concern, and then he mixed willingness with happiness. He added lots of faith and he stirred it up well, then he spread it up over a span of a lifetime, and he served it to each and every deserving person he met”

***

One thing people think about you when you’re alive, and another when you’ve gone.

You can’t persuade evidence to the contrary to people who lower your qualities when you’re no longer alive.

Death is the only thing you can be 100% certain of that it will happen. There is something intrinsically beautiful about death. Something truly lovely about the idea: delicate, graceful, and natural. Reaching that eternal peace where we are coming full circle in the world.

The first thing I read in the paper every time I lay my hands on them is obituaries. This may sound morbidly melancholic but it’s not. I wouldn’t be surprised if a fair number of newspaper readers share this same routine.

Reading an obituary is not so much an act of mourning a death but of reviewing a life of notable accomplishment and celebrating it. It’s a constant reminder of the inevitable: death.

What would you like people to think about you when you’ve gone?

Craft your recipe for life cautiously.

Choose the best ingredients (personality and attitude) and best tools (support from family and friends) to gain your fullest potential in order to fulfill your life purpose.

At times you may spill the ingredients, undercooking and overcooking them, or even cut yourself with your utensil; but it’s okay everyone makes mistakes. Crafting well-praised recipes need experience and practice. So is life. Don’t forget to take pleasure in doing it because time cannot be repeated.

You sure do want to leave a good impression so when people read your obituary in the paper they would whisper…

“What a good person… Rest in peace.”

Stormy Night

2010-06-28T06:23:00.007-04:00

“We enjoy the day-to-day experiences but beneath the exterior, there are cracks, resentments, alliances that threaten the very foundation of our lives as if any moment our world can come tumbling down.” – Opening line of the movie My Sister’s Keeper

Classic cliché.

Every individual has a depth of secret sadness beneath the exterior that is masked with solid disguise.

We consciously or unconsciously carry that misery in our souls, which affect present and future decision-making. We put on a happy face then rip that face off and shred it to pieces behind closed door.

***

In a fine falling mist, I stand in a driving rain. The smell of thunder hangs in the air. I feel the stinging raindrops the size of pebbles pelted down on my flesh. The chill wind dances with the perennial plants.The night seems to sound only of water and wind.

The heavens pour rain thick as world’s finest drapery.

Refreshing.

A storm comes in the distance. Some will run to it and some will resist it. But my eyes turn to the sky. A storm might not be an awful thing but a refreshing thing.

I stand here, bathe in it, and accept it.

The rain is both a fading memory and distant promise. For the better.

***

'The cracks, resentments, alliances that threaten the very foundation of our lives as if any moment our world can come tumbling down' is when the storm comes your way.

The past is the past. Every individual faces his/her own storm. Each experiences different intensity. There will always be a storm coming your way.

Refresh in your storm.

After the rain comes the rainbow.

One of my favorite movies of all time. Watch it, you won't regret it. Rated #1 on imdb.com winning over The Godfather.

Programmed For Sex?

2010-06-24T06:18:00.008-04:00

Since the surfaced of sex scandal of three allegedly high profile celebrities that caused uproar for weeks in our beloved nation, let’s talk about sex. Let me remind you, I’m not going to talk about the controversial sex video case. I’m going discuss about a different kind of sex.

I’m always curious about sex. Not human sexual recreation but rather sexual reproduction of the process in combining and mixing genetic traits to form offspring in living organisms other than human beings.

When I first consume a raw oyster, I wondered how do oysters reproduce? They can’t be having sex like mammals do. I learned that oysters use external fertilization instead of conventional male meeting the female or the female carrying the eggs to term. Female oyster releases eggs and the male releases the sperm and fuse in water. This means they simply procreate, they don’t need sex for pleasure.

Seahorse is a different story. They perform sex for a long time! Courtship can last for 12 hours. They perform foreplay by dancing *oh how cute*. With their tails entwined, the female aligns a long tube with the male’s pouch *this is when they’re having intercourse*. What unique is the males are the ones who become pregnant! They have sex both for fun and to reproduce.

Seahorse mating

Moving onto sexual relationships, monogamy is so rare in animal kingdom that only 3-5% of mammals are known to form lifelong pair bonds, ex: otters, foxes, beavers. Strict monogamy is almost nonexistent, as they do pair for life but occasionally have flings on the side. Sounds familiar? Just like marriage today, eh?

Swans, often regarded as symbols of love, in fact are known to cheat, abandon and even ‘divorce’ one another, exactly like humans.

Animals are having a hard time staying faithful, as the males are programmed to spread their genes and females to get the best genes from the best males for their young.

Is it the same for human beings?

Studies of pair bonding in animals have allowed scientists to identify several chemicals in the brain related to social monogamy: oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine. Although human brains contain all those chemicals, our brains differ in many aspects from animal brain. Oxytocin reduces stress in us. It may facilitate attachment by reducing stress in response to the support and comfort offered by monogamous relationship.

Then why more and more humans today develop sexual relation other than their partners?

Psychologists have offered 3 types of explanations for satisfaction declines: normal rebound, emotional erosion, and motivational erosion.

Normal rebound refers to the natural feelings of happiness and satisfaction to return to more normal level over time. Examples of the rebound are hedonic treadmill model and self-expansion model, but I’m not going to go into those *it’s going to be lengthy*.

Emotional Erosion is the inevitable arguments and conflict that arise once couples are attached exclusively.

Motivational erosion is when couples may no longer share the same relationship goals, and may no longer support one another in achieving personal goals. It reduces their motivation for being in the relationship.

What happens when a couple cannot cope with all of those? They start to look for satisfaction somewhere else.

They look for satisfaction emotionally from a pretty young thing, or physical unattached sex.

Back to the genes topic again, are we really the same as animals? Is it hard for human beings to stay monogamous because males are programmed to spread their genes and females to get the best genes from the best males for their young in order to survive?

There might be some truth in that.

We are sexual beings.

According to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our most basic need is physiological needs. Other than air, water, and food, the intensity of human sexual instinct needs to be satisfied to maintain a birth rate adequate to the survival of the species.

But remember, we are human beings not animals. We are blessed with minds full of knowledge. We are intelligent beings. That’s why we rule the world!

Picture this: a married man with 3 young children sleeps around and his excuse is, “I’m a male. I’m programmed to spread my genes. It’s in my blood.” But he uses condoms or takes his dick out before he comes when he sleeps with his mistress. If he really wants to spread his genes, put your sperm in her uterus! He just wants pleasure.

Any responsible human being who realizes that world population was 6.7 billion in 2008 when it was only 2.5 billion in 1950 (Unbelievable! More than double in less than 60 years!) won’t use that reason to justify reason for sleeping around when he/she is married.

You want to have fun? Go ahead and have fun! As long you’re not hurting anyone and yourself (physically by being safe and emotionally by keeping thing unattached). You're the one who's facing the consequences, no one else. And yes, that includes gossips.

But we shouldn’t declare ‘we are exclusive’ or ‘till death do us part’ if we’re not so sure we can be monogamous. Maybe we should just say ‘as long as love shall last’.

When ‘married’ beavers and otters can get down and busy with one partner, we can.

"It's not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover" - Marge Piercy

Retreat Into Advance

2010-06-21T04:38:00.003-04:00

Have you ever suffered an extreme fear that you experience unimaginable physiological nervous responses (shortness of breath, nausea, and finally fainting) and shocking aftermath revulsion?

It might be as simple as riding a rollercoaster with many gut-clenching inversions for the first time. Or to the near death experience surviving an airplane crash.

Everyone has his/her own tangible or intangible things that trigger the emotional response caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous and likely to cause pain or threat.

There are two types of fear: the ones that you can overcome and the one you can’t.

You’re afraid of heights? Gutsy up and try a kiddy roller coaster. You will eventually bungee jump in no time.

You’re a stage fright type of person? Practice, practice, and practice. Make your performance a celebration, not a trial. Like my father used to tell me, think of the audience as pigs. They’re all omnivorous domesticated hoofed mammals with snouts. They all feel the same as you do. Or if those things don’t do wonders for you, gulp two glasses of wine before you perform.

You’re claustrophobic? Learn relaxation techniques for anxiety: deep breathing, visualization, and other meditation exercises can be powerful weapons against panic.

Those are examples of fear that you can overcome. Remember, any learned fear can be unlearned as well.

But there are fears that you constantly store in your mental process:

Fear of your significant other would get hurt while they’re driving or traveling. Fear of your children would live well and are well taken care of if you unexpectedly die. Fear of cannot make your parents proud while they live healthily.

Fears can be a good thing for you. They can be a drive to reach your fullest potential.

Fear will always be there. After you overcome one, another will come. It depends on how you handle it.

Franklin D. Roosevelt in his First Inaugural Adress, March 4, 1933 once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror, which paralyzed needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

Make fear as the media to convert retreat into advance.

***

Original Maniak is back together

Diamonds on The Sea

2010-06-04T05:05:00.008-04:00

I opened the sliding barrier and I felt the immediate breeze of fresh air. My lungs inhaled the life-supporting component of the air and instantaneously polluted by nicotine and tar.

The light detecting organs in my head caught the sea. Large expanse of saline water surrounded me.

The morning sunlight hit on the surface. The water glistened and it looked like there were millions of diamonds on the sea. The sea was glittered with diamonds.

It was beautiful.

I could hear the waves splashed against the body of the ship.

Music of nature.

Splash – splash – splash…

Woooss – woooss – woooss…

Travel is like a pilgrimage, a journey or search of great moral significance. We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm, and adventure. When our own eyes see the physical beauty of Mother Nature or human creation, our own hearts feel the giving delight and arousing admiration of a foreign land’s charm, and our own souls experience the adventure of the journey; travel could be a journey to heightened a person’s beliefs and faith. We could appreciate the creation of The Higher Being and His mighty greatness.

Instead of going to a shrine, the world is the shrine.

As I drag a dose of my morning nicotine, I whispered…

"Masya Allah…"

***

Rome

Basilica, Vatican

Venice

Athens

Naples

Vatican

Giza

Ephesus, Turkey

Capri

Sicily - Godfather I Bar

Navigator of The Sea

On my way to Egypt

Laussez-Faire

2010-05-05T23:57:00.004-04:00

In French, it literally means “let do” or “ let it be” or “leave it alone”. The phrase means allowing industry to be free of government restriction especially leash in form of tariffs and government monopolies.

I remember watching Li Ka Shing’s documentary and his first principle is acquiring liberal economy that allows free movement of asset and remittances that don’t require official approval. His second principle is freedom of personal movement. Deprivation of regulation liberty is the basis of both principles.

Why? The theory assumes that economic liberalism allows private property and individual contracts to act without any restrictions will produce the best results with provided with the least public information and existing justice. No one still should not cheat or steal.

Liberalism = Full development.

Same in life.

In order to gain one’s fullest potential, one must be allowed to be free of over bearing restriction.

Take Carl Rogers’ Self Theory in Humanistic Approach of psychology. Every individual is made up of an organism, which is what you were born with (your own belief: thoughts/feelings/physical/urges that struggle for perfection); and self, which is an image of what one is and what one values. The ideal self is what you want to become in order to meet the society demand.

The self depends on how others respond and approve or disapprove. The self, therefore, often starts conflict with the organism’s basic urge for perfection. If one receives positive regard, which is unconditional approval for what one is, one has true regard for oneself. If however approval is dependent on performing “good” (specific) behavior one sees oneself as being worthy only when behaving according conditions of worth.

According to Rogers’ theory in order to become a fully functioning person, one must learn to make the organism and self one by opening oneself to all experience. Having the freedom of choice, not being shackled by restrictions and being able to make choices more fluently.

Freedom = Full development.

So is liberalism in both economy and family upbringing is all good and no evil?

Remember, everything in excess is always defective.

You do still need guidance.

***

HIPMI - Lemhannas: Kelompok 8 Rajawali

HIPMI - Lemhannas: Gubernur Lemhannas

HIPMI - Lemhannas: Kelompok 8 Rajawali with Ketum EA & Sekjen

Rakernas: Batam

Rakernas: Opening Night

Nothing

2010-04-07T05:06:00.004-04:00

I am no one. I am nothing.

I am a void left by the collapse of contentment.

I have nothing. I am nothing.

Everything I wear, I own, and I use are impermanent.

So don't bother.

I know exactly who I am,

I am no one who has nothing.

There is nowhere I could rest my carnal shell as the walls shield me from every danger of the outside world. Constant hazard always finds its way to harm my brief mental rest. Where can I find both physical ease and emotional state of comfort?

One day.

When the tangible does not matter anymore.

When my soul breaks free from my temporary flesh.

When the light shines bright at the end of the tunnel.

When the dream ends and the real life begins.

Eternally.

Commitment to ALL Aspects of life

2010-01-18T04:56:00.007-05:00

For the past few months I’ve learned quite a whole lot about commitment. In definition, commitment refers to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone.

A person’s character can be judged from the commitment delivered. And in order to hit the high scale on the character verdict, a person must show commitment in two aspects of life: personal and organizational.

The easiest way to see if someone takes commitment seriously is by showing up on time. Timeliness shows commitment. It shows you’re committed to your duty. Being late once with a legit reason is tolerable, but more than once it shows that you’re don’t respect the other person waiting for you and you can’t keep your word.

Personal commitment goes down to keeping your promises. You don’t have to be asked to spend time with your family. You support your family by being there even though your presence doesn’t make any difference; it only makes difference for them. You have the strength to say no to your friends because you’ve promised your family to spend time with them. You drop all of your schedules and tend to your sick family member. And you do it with no burden, you do it simply because you love them.

Personal commitment to your significant other? It’s simple. You’ve made the decision to be in a relationship, thus you’ve bounded yourself to an obligation that restricts freedom of action. You can’t go around club hopping all night without your partner’s permission, you can’t hang out with members of the opposite sex all you want, you don’t talk and act as if you’re single. You pick her up, drop her off, making sure she’s safe and sound. When you’re in a relationship, you’re committed to that one person: mind, body, and soul. You don’t say “I love you” but you go to Alexis with your guy friends or colleagues. It's hypocritical. That doesn’t show respect. It doesn’t show complete commitment.

Organizational commitment is commitment to your job and organizations. Showing a high standard of professional ethics, behavior and work activities deliver a high value of commitment. Getting the job done using your fullest potential, not only using your name to get respect, can gain people’s respect. Sooner or later, you will achieve what you’re aiming for.

It’s rare to find someone who’s committed to ALL aspects of life: family, relationship, job and organization.

One may be committed to their job but not to his/her relationship. Sure, you can gain status, but not necessarily respect. Someday, it can get back to him. “Oh, you can’t really trust him, he’s a womanizer” although he is being referred in a professional setting.

Let’s be rare.

Commit to your family, relationship, job and organization.

Then you can gain status and respect.

Mercy

2010-01-12T06:22:00.002-05:00

I love war films. Any movies from ancient and fiction like Troy to modern and nonfiction like Black Hawk Down, anything that features a state of hostile armed conflict between different nations. Two of my favorites are Mel Gibson’s Brave Heart and The Patriot.

They teach you about humanity, moral, and ethics. They are the source of serious moral questions. Is war necessary for the defense of a country or is it just simply undesirable, problematic and does more damage than good? They also teach you about courage, honor, and true friendship.

There is something evidently significant after I watch a lot of war movies.

Conventional warfare was widely used before postmodern era. Kingdom of Heaven and Joan of Arc use conventional warfare. It’s a form of warfare conducted by using conventional military weapons and battlefield tactics in open confrontation. Two groups of army face each other on an open field and start attacking each other on cue. Modern people might think the move is lacking intelligence but at that time people think it’s an act of honor, facing your enemy man to man.

Moving on to postmodern era, nations started using unconventional warfare, such as:

Guerilla strategy is a less mobile and larger formal army is combated by a small group of combatants using mobile military tactics in form of ambushes and raids. Chemical weapon strategy uses intoxicating chemical substances to kill, injure, or incapacitate enemy.

My favorite series Band of Brothers uses unconventional warfare. Unconventional warfare attacks enemy when they least expect it thus creating more damage in crippling the enemy’s defense system.

In the world of today, conventional is hardly used. Facing your enemy man to man in an open field is considered as a chaotic strategy that leads to a waste of lives, time, and weapons.

Conventional or unconventional, lives are taken away. The most important thing is to show mercy when the enemy is waving the white flag and begging for their lives. The prisoners of war's families must swallow the bitter pill when they know their sons surrender but get killed anyway.

Mercy is not a sign of weakness but rather it’s a sign of great wisdom and strength. Being merciful is to show a meticulous understanding of life that go beyond facts, which are visibly presented. To grant clemency, in spite of bad actions and disparities, indicates an elevated consciousness to have the strength to say, “I forgive”

Besides, they’re not in war with the people, but they’re in war with the cause.

Niche Differentiation

2009-12-21T03:42:00.001-05:00

For the last couple of days, my thoughts have been occupied with what I should do next?

Being alive in the 21^st century makes it hard to find the gap in the marketplace. Everything everybody needs is readily available. It’s mission impossible to invent a completely new product or service. What possible is to start something that’s already there but with competitive edge to manage sustaining position against competitors. Whether it’s price, quality or customer intimacy, any three could be used as competitive advantage.

When a new company excels than another, it’s subtracting profit from its competitors. That’s the way it is. It’s the natural selection of capitalism, if you will. While the real natural selection is the process by which traits that make it more likely for an organism to survive, natural selection of capitalism use competitive advantage to make it more likely to survive against competitors. There’s no way a new comer would think, “I won’t dive myself into that niche market because I don’t want to take their market share.”

This makes me think of niche differentiation. In ecology, niche differentiation is the process by which natural selection drives competing species into different patterns of resource use or different niches. In other words, species avoid competition by occupying different sections of resources. Take seven Anolis lizards that live in tropical rainforest as an example. They share insects as common food. They avoid competition by occupying different sections of the rainforest. They avoid competition by living on branches while others live on the ground.

According to Gause’s Law or competitive exclusion principle, two species competing for the same resources can’t coexist under stability if other ecological factors are constant. One competitor will overcome the other leading to the extinction of another.

Can we take ecological term of niche differentiation and apply it to the world of capitalism and consumerism?

Is it possible for entrepreneurs to avoid competition by moving into different niche market because they don’t want to take the existent market share?

Not likely.

Humans want to win. They want to take the majority of the market share leading to the extinction of competitors if it’s possible.

That’s how it goes.

Just do it the right way. No foul play. No use of winning if everybody is cursing on you.

I'm tired

2009-10-28T05:22:00.003-04:00

I'm tired...

I want to sleep...

i want to rest my physical being on the most comfortable cushion ever made.

To snug the most important part of my human body on a cloth bag stuffed with thousands of fine feathers.

I'm tired, you see...

i close my windows to the world,

I have a pitch black stage upon my eyes,

Not the usual stage showing the colorful human drama.

As I drift to sleep...

I see stars as I fly higher in unconsciousness.

My body is light as a feather I sleep on,

My thin layer of tissue starts to glow brighter than a newborn star.

As I fly higher, my tangible presence is sucked into the intense darkness of night leaving a golden dust trail.

The light within me has been exposed after hiding in a pile of flesh.

No more weight,

No more burden of the flesh...

It's...

It's only...

Me...

Blessed With A Burden

2009-10-26T05:30:00.005-04:00

Life is a continuous cycle of misery. Sometimes people blame themselves for the constant grief of despair that comes one after another. People don’t get what they deserve, people just get what they get and there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s human to make sense of everything, but the honest truth is that sometimes things just don’t make sense.

Some people make difficulty as passion, as something they have to conquer. And they see it as a blessing in a burden. A sick family member is time for the whole family to regroup and catch up. Getting fired from a job means an opportunity to explore something completely new. Breaking up with a long time boyfriend as a time for self-discovery.

Blessed by a burden? People don’t usually use those two words in the same sentence. We hardly find one blessing amidst all the burdens, and now burdens as blessings?

Is it just a positive way of looking at it? Or is it really only an illusion of truth?

Take fata morgana, which is an optical phenomenon that results from a temperature inversion, as an example. Dehydrated desert traveler spends his last few drops of energy running toward a non-existence mirage. Going toward something that’s only an illusion under distress.

But some of the most successful people view burdens as blessings. Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank, the founders of Home Depot, both were fired from their jobs in the late 1970s to find their company that would keep values that were important to them. Today it’s the largest home-improvement retailer in the States, and the second largest general retailer behind Wal-Mart.

Maybe, it’s not an illusion. It’s a kick in the butt to stay strong and move on with your life.

There is a blessing in being burdened after all.

Saturday night

Everything Is Labeled But Everybody Is Not

2009-10-12T04:36:00.009-04:00

When the rest of the body and the mind are resting on a Sunday, the eyes are prone to overwork themselves. All we do is just lay on our asses and watch TV from the second we regain consciousness until we fall back asleep again.

The newest episode of House Season 6 hasn’t came out yet so out of desperation I downloaded the complete season of MTV’s reality show The City. I love watching young modern office warriors working in chic clothes and killer heels they put on.

Anyway, there’s this girl in the show named Olivia. She’s the typical bitchy backstabber who you want to kill slowly kind of girl. On top of that, she’s a socialite. Yes, a social… what she likes to be abbreviated as. She labels people from what neighborhood they live in, clothes they put on, their last names, and what kind of friends they have. Her crowd doesn’t like to ‘mingle with the commoners’.

According to the dictionary (yes, I looked it up oh I’m such a loser), a socialite is a person who is well known in fashionable society and is fond of social activities and entertainment.

When you to a beauty salon anywhere in Jakarta you’ll see all these socialite magazines: Prestige, Tatler, Dewi… You see the same names, same people going to lux events carrying a bag that could feed an entire kampung and wearing designer clothes & shoes with brand names I can’t correctly pronounce. Do i want to be like them? Who doesn't want to be the young and the privileged... and on top of that beautiful?

Tangible goods labeled with certain brand may translate to a certain quality. People labeled with a certain stereotype may not translate to certain quality.

The fabric sewn together that clings on someone’s body or the type of crowd someone rolls with or the zipcode someone has written on the mail can’t determine that he or she is better or worse than you do. Mind, body, or soul.

EVERYTHING is labeled but EVERYBODY is not.

No Dancer

2009-09-19T01:01:00.005-04:00

I walk having insulated wire hanging from my ears.

Bang bang bang.

I pick up the pace in harmony with the thumping sound of the bass. Faster. My hip suspends a little more to the left and right as I lift and setting down each foot. I would’ve moved my buns rhythmically to the music if there were not even a single set of eyes around me.

I’ve always wanted to be a dancer.

A sleek ballerina who does graceful and fluid movements, points her feet before she flies in the air. A hot Celtics dancer who does sexy dance moves during half time drooled over everyone in the court.

All I do is dance randomly with music blasting from my speaker while I get ready before I go out. Or do weird hand gestures when my favorite song goes on in the club.

I’m no ballerina, I’m no hot dancer.

But he doesn’t get away from me and pretend not to know me when I do my bizarre series of movement.

He likes the way I am.

And that's one of the reasons i love him for.

Ecstacy

2009-09-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

I took a drag of nicotine under the absence of light along with the noisy crowd of intoxicated sinners. Tipsy, they said, but I didn’t fly high. After years of gulping down gallons and gallons of poisonous substance, my immunity toward alcohol improved. My long time wish to detoxify the physical part of me to bring back the sensation of a virgin drinker couldn’t be done since I can’t live a week as a vegan.

I was in temporary ecstasy.

An hour of effort getting all dolled up diminished an hour after I stepped into the darkness to do dark deeds. My hair tangled, my liner smudged, and my blush gone.

But I didn’t bother to haul my 5-inch heels to the little girl’s room to powder my nose because…

the person who I put my make up on for wasn’t there beside me,

the person who I dress up for wasn’t there beside me,

the person who I care the most wasn’t there beside me.

Why was I there?

Stupidity. Immaturity.

People say life is a rollercoaster. I must say that the past (almost) 2 months has been a wonderful ride. There were ups and downs, twists and turns, but the main attraction of the ride was that I wasn’t riding it alone. Under the rain or sun, I rode it with someone who I can scream with, laugh with, cry with, or smile with.

I used to walk around with clouds above my head. Fear stimulates negative imagination therefore I seek momentary pleasures to block happy hormones from escaping. Unpleasant emotion of losing a hint of joy runs through my veins.

You touched me.

The clouds above my head begin to lift a little.

You touched me.

Pleasant emotion of having the real joy runs through my veins.

Some say that sex is the closest two people can be. It’s an illusion of truth because thought is real and physical is the illusion. Sex is the closest you can ever be to know everything about his anatomy not his true self, an image of what he is and what he values. Therefore, let’s make love.

Yes, make love.

You own my heart,

Whatever you do or don’t have,

You’re always in my heart.

I don’t need other passengers joining our ride.

Just you and me is plenty.

I’m in real ecstasy.

The twists, the turns, the ups and downs,

Hold my hand tightly,

Let’s enjoy the ride.

Private VS Public

2009-07-09T03:32:00.001-04:00

“Fortunately we’re not a public company – we’re a private group of companies, and I can do what I want” – Richard Branson.

Mr. Boss once said that he would never go public for any of his companies. And one of my business idols convinced me never to go public also.

CEOs at publicly owned companies are constrained by their need to balance multiple objectives the ecosystem of their corporation. While private owners have more flexibility in putting their principles and creativities into their realm of businesses.

I want to be an entrepreneur in the first place because I want to create a new venture by filling the gap in the market place. I have a lot of ideas in my mind and it will continually change as trend, technology and consumer demand revolutionize over time.

If I were constrained by the need of approval from shareholders before I could change one little thing to make the business better, it would be inflexible. Not only for the better of the business but also for the employees.

I need full flexibility.

Call me a capitalist, but I’m a market entrepreneur as well a social entrepreneur.

Time Comes With Opportunities & Risks

2009-06-30T20:14:00.008-04:00

Time is an extremely miraculous thing.

In such a short measured progress of past to future a lot of things can happen or oppositely stagnant.

For me the last couple of weeks life had been a roller coaster not a smooth sailing through the ocean. The ride had a lot of twists and turns, ups and downs, fear and excitement all cramped together in the length of 2 weeks time.

Time is the greatest luxury anyone can have that you can’t repeat. You waste a second then you lose that second forever.

And time is full of opportunities. Great opportunities come with great risks. Yes, dreading about the possible danger of taking a chance will be always there.

But if you don’t risk anything you risk even more.

I would follow my intuition and take this risk and maybe, just maybe, I will be pleased in the future that I didn’t pass on this chance.

If not, life is full of opportunities. I’ll just grab another one.

Awake

2009-06-16T13:26:00.009-04:00

The usual visibility of separate liquid drops cannot be seen in the darkness of night as I draw the thick green curtain to witness the rain. I climb back to the bed to enjoy the calming sound of its drippings onto Mother Earth’s surface. A loud rumbling noise pierces my ears and I grab the blanket to cover my entire flesh.

The battle between wanting to enjoy the song of nature and Coldplay’s Fix You heightens. I decide to wear the electrical device and close my windows to the world. In total blackout of my vision, my thoughts still float around. I imagine shooting the thoughts with warm bullets and put them to rest eternally.

My windows to the world are wide open in total absence of light.

I am awake.

I change the song.

“Don’t want to close my eyes

I don’t want to fall asleep

Cause I’d miss you Baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I’d still miss you Baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing”

- Aerosmith

Perfection is Imperfection

2009-06-15T10:37:00.018-04:00

I spent 48 hours nonstop watching The West Wing when I became fully aware of something as a fact.

The character, President Bartlett (Martin Sheen), lives everyday under the pressure to make important decisions that affect the lives of millions, if not, billions of people. He decides whether to fund US$500 million to public schools or cancer research, to send a rescue military team to save a jet fighter pilot who is shot down in Afghanistan with the risk of losing the whole rescue team, to fire a distinguished White House Chief of Staff who is also his best friend for 40 years because he was an alcoholic.

This is when I became fully understand that we couldn’t have PERFECTION.

All of you business graduates must know what opportunity cost is. It’s the value of the next best alternative forgone as the result of making a decision.

A person who sells his car 5 years after he first bought it denies himself to the opportunity to sell the car earlier without the 5 years depreciated value.

Let’s translate it in real life. Simple example, the opportunity cost of eating your favorite meal of spaghetti at a restaurant is trying the restaurant’s famous filet mignon.

As they say, “We can’t afford to have everything we want.”

The statement is true for a human being too.

You can’t expect an individual to have all the desired qualities and characteristics.

If you wait your whole life waiting for the perfect one, you’ll find it when you’re in your grave. It’s when you find God.

But if you wish to accept someone, and help him/her to change for the better, being supportive and continually encourage the progress, you can eventually find perfection. Don’t make a sudden rage & haze at a middle of a progress. The other person will lose his/her spirit.

Perfection is imperfection.

Because if you only have perfection, there's no more satisfaction. You won't understand what satisfaction is when you only have all the goodness in life. You must experience desperation, evil and disappointment to value the opposite.

You find perfection by understanding the imperfections.
Being at peace with the imperfections.
Then you’ll find true happiness.

“The day is over. We live to fight another one,” President Bartlett from The West Wing.

Continue the fight for the better, don’t leave all the progress to waste.

You know what they say: FOR THE BETTER AND FOR THE WORSE.

Not only 'for the better'.

Death Poem

2009-06-14T04:17:00.004-04:00

I don’t get it. I really don’t get it.
Could anybody please tell me why?
Am I not a good person? Am I a bad person?
I'm trying hard. I really am.
I need a pat on my back.

***

Ketika ada sepasang kaki baru berpijak di permukaan bumi,
Ketika ada tangisan baru menggelegar di udara bumi,
Ketika manusia baru terlahir di dunia maya,
Sesungguhnya dia tidak terlahir.

Mungkin neraka sesungguhnya adalah dunia itu sendiri.
Penyakit demi penyakit datang bertubi-tubi.
Menghantam yang direstui maupun yang dikecam.

Manusia oh manusia. Kasihanilah manusia.

Seekor zebra diterkam harimau. Matilah dia.
Seorang manusia diterkam hatinya. Matilah dia.
Zebra mati sakit. Manusia mati sakit.
Hati pecah berkeping-keping? Hanya penyakit manusia.

Mungkin lebih baik aku tak pernah terlahir.

It Takes Money To Make Money

2009-06-09T03:17:00.004-04:00

In the past months I learned that it takes money to make money. Money to raise initial capital for a new business or money to pay for good education so employers will hire you…

And oh yes you can bribe the right people to get away with everything.

But it doesn’t take money to maintain your success.

Attitude is everything.

And you can’t deny the power of luck…

Thank you, God, for opening doors of opportunity for me.

Terminated by Terminator?

2009-05-28T02:25:00.012-04:00

Hi Everyone :) I’m back in Jakarta. I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been busy enjoying life. Ha! Boston was great. Shabu-Zen’s sautéed beef tongue & Wagyu Japan A every other day, stocking up on dresses and shoes at Newbury Street, driving around the city with the windows and sunroof open inhaling fresh air, watching True Blood & The Tudor anytime of the day.

I’m back working on my new project. I already chose a candidate for a director who’s going to work directly under me. And the birth of PT. Grita Harvest Indonesia would be next Tuesday.

I went to watch 'Terminator' yesterday. I pretty much enjoyed it (well, hellow there Christian Bale) although I like Star Trek so much better (eventhough Eric Bana was non human). The movie made me think.

There are hypothetical possibilities to the end of human race.

Religion offers supernatural events holding responsible to doomsday. They include: Armageddon or Judgment Day in Christian Bible, the signs of the coming of Nabi Isa (Jesus), Imam Mahdi, Anti Christ and the blowing of Trumpet in Islam, Lord Vishnu will come as a 10th reincarnation destroying the world in Hindu mythology, and so forth.

Natural occurrences are another possibility to the end of human existence. Gamma ray burst, global pandemic, meteoroid/asteroid collision, etc.

There is a possibility of alien invasion, imagine ‘War of the Worlds’ but the aliens win. They kill most humans and keep some as slaves.

And the last is man-made events: nuclear/chemical/biological war, severe global warming, no substitution for important natural resources, cybernetic revolt and grey goo.

Terminator is based on cybernetic revolt and grey goo. For those of you don’t know, cybernetic revolt is a computer network ‘thinks’ that humans are threatening and begins to destroy humans, which lead the world to time of Machine Rule. Grey goo is a situation where self-replicating robots destroy everything on Earth and producing more robots.

Scary stuff, huh?

Well, the movie made me think that maybe, just maybe, humans create their own extinction.

Some religions taught that doomsday approaches when more and more humans become immoral.

What is immorality? The seven deadly sins? Yeah, but not limited to.

Thousands of baby seals are skinned to death each year to make clothing, millions of wildlife are homeless because forests are cut down, people are busy with their own laptops and smartphones at lunch time that there is no more human contact.

Those are immoral.

There are 4 end of the world scenarios: supernatural, natural, extraterrestrial, and man-made.

They are all scary. Why don’t we eliminate one scenario to make it less terrifying? Let’s eliminate man-made end of the world scenario by starting to care about nature and people.

$1 = A Spare Change or Medicine for 15 Children?

2009-05-10T05:56:00.003-04:00

In the last 2 months, I've seen:

- A silver haired man parked his Bugatti Veyron in front of Four Seasons Hotel Geneve to meet his young lover

- An old homeless man who seemed haven't shaved since Vietnam War sleeping on a Boston Common bench

- Socialites carrying Birkins and walking in Louboutins attending a fashion show in one of the biggest mall in Central Jakarta

- Topless boys playing soccer in front of cardboard houses where their entire family live in near a smelly river in Jakarta

- Korean students with their European cars on the way to their Glion Institute of Higher Edcation classes in Montreux

- Arabs spraying bottles and bottles of champagne for no apparent reason in Rumor Boston

You don't have to travel half around the world to see social gap of a society. Anybody who has been to Blitz Megaplex Grand Indonesia can see how a community live in such close proximity can have a big social gap.

There you are standing in one of the biggest malls in Indonesia filled with luxury goods shops with marble floors. You look out the window and you see small houses with orange roofs where unemployed people live in, child beggars singing at red lights, men and women pulling carts full of garbage and sometimes with their children on them too.

I was on my way to Boston from Jakarta for the second time in 3 weeks. I'm excited to attend my commencement like everybody else, I'm only going because my parents want me to. The only thing that got me pack my bags and go is seeing my sister and shopping in Newbury Street with her after she gets out of the hospital.

I had an imaginary list in my head of the things I want to buy before the plane was taking off. Dresses, sunglasses, shoes, tops, electronics... Then the flight attendant handed me a head set package. In it was a UNICEF envelope with pictures of under privileged children from all over the world.

It says: "Change For Good. Left-over currency, no matter how small, can make a real difference. Change For Good supports UNICEF projects for vulnerable children around the world."

Then in a big bold print it says: "60 cents supplies a solution for 15 children suffering from dehydration caused by acute diarrhea."

*gasp*! 60 cents for 15 children?! Imagine how many children can be helped from how much a pair of Louboutins costs!

In one country, a person can buy a $500 meal and another can starve to death.

Although I've never been a big fan of economics classes, somehow my mind magically came across Gross National Product (GNP) statistics. How deceptive and manipulative it is.

GNP growth may result even it only profits one person and majority of a society is in dent. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. While in a statistical standpoint it's considered as an economic progress.

Economy growth can mean people a t the top richer while it does nothing for people at the bottom.

So profits, or you can call it capitalism, good or evil?

I believe it's good as long people at the top are food people. Can you imagine what a big corporation can do for a large community? Major employment, and if the leaders are social, they would provide insurance, education and retirement for employees and their families.

If the rich profit from economic growth, they can use the money to help the ones who aren't as fortunate instead of flying to Macau and wasting millions of Dollar playing Poker.

I still want to go shopping in Newbury Street,

I still want my own private jet to travel around the world,

I still want my own mansions in every continent of the world,

Because there is nothing wrong to enjoy all your hard work.

But i also want to take families who live in cardboard houses off the streets,

supply the unfortunates with medical needs, and educate children so they can find a decent paycheck in the future.

Material things are never enough.

At least helping others can leave a lasting satisfaction for yourself and others.

One Thing Does Not Mean Everything

2009-04-28T01:53:00.006-04:00

I watched The Fast and The Furious 3 for the second time with Papa yesterday after we got back from the hospital. We were both extremely stressed so we hoped to temporarily take things off our minds by seeing a movie at Regal Fenway.

I liked what the judge said at the end of the movie when Van Diesel was in court, "You did one right thing but it doesn't mean it cover all the wrongs you did in the past." So he was sent to prison despite his action in helping the authority to capture a drug dealer.

This is true for the opposite.

If someone does one wrong thing, it doesn't mean it cover all the good things he/she did in the past.

Everybody makes mistakes. That's life. But one mistake doesn't change the person's label to be a bad person. If it's easily changed, there is simply no love.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."- Mahatma Gandhi

If one action is a dissapointment, the whole person does not become a dissapointment.

Triplets!

2009-04-23T08:22:00.009-04:00

I used to hate babies. Yes, I hated babies. I thought animal babies are way cuter than human babies. When my friends went gaga over random babies crossing our paths, I found them far from endearing. Especially when they cry. Oh God have mercy!

But these days my point of view changed. I started to like babies. I started to think they’re actually adorable. The other day I watched a TV commercial where a mother gave a massage to her baby and the baby couldn’t stop smiling and laughing because he enjoyed it. And I thought it was cuter than a Golden Retriever puppy.

Motherhood kicking in?

Maybe.

You know what I want? I want triplets. Yes! My belly would be gigantic but what could be cuter than having identical triplets! If they were not identical it would still be fine… Plus, having three babies all at once from one pregnancy could be beneficial: shredding off the baby weight only once!

My father’s youngest siblings are twins and my mother’s youngest siblings are twins also. I hope the genes are passed down to me :)

Anyway, I’m in Boston with my dad visiting my sick sister. Get well soon, lil sis! Sudden departure, we found out last Friday and we went straight to Boston the very next day. I was going to Palembang with my family (the whole lot of the Noerdin crew) to attend Wa' Alex's wedding anniversary and to watch Sriwijaya FC VS Gamba Osaka. Penyu was going to come along too, his big debut in the Noerdin family hehe... I was also going to Tokyo with Penyu and his parents. Maybe next time. Sick sister comes first!

(Sugar) Daddy?

2009-04-17T01:03:00.006-04:00

As long the rich and famous have Ultima and Viagra handy, they can walk hand in hand with the most beautiful women they can lay eyes on.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Donald Trump and Melania Knauss are just two of the countless couples with significant age disparity. They are married, so the women would be considered as trophy wives. But there are also self-acclaimed single womanizers who fall under the sugar daddy category.

The characteristics are:

1. Wealthy
Doesn’t matter if it’s self-attained or inherited, young women would fall head over heels with gray haired and wrinkled ass men who orders Cristal and drives a Bugatti.

2. “Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven-Rule”
They tend to date women who are half their ages plus seven. Why the rule? They still want to be socially acceptable.

3. Womanizer
They hardly stay in an exclusive relationship. They jump from one female to another more attractive one.

Sugar daddies like women outside their own age group to serve the purpose of an object of status. People do double takes when the couple walks by. They want the public perception of: “beautiful woman with an older man = the man must be loaded with cash and sexual knowledge.”

They can just choose or as easily as winking to the prey and the prey would come and ‘offer’ them sexual relationship in exchange of climbing up the social status ladder from dating the rich and famous.

But when they grow older and older, when their Doctors wouldn’t allow them to consume blue pills anymore because of heavy risk of heart failure or stroke, they lay at their dead beds alone and lonely.

Employees would visit those retired Sugar Daddies hoping they would get a fraction of their wealth. No laughter, no love from real friends and family.

Dear Men, please think twice before you become a serial dater sugar daddies. It’s better to be a real daddy with a loving wife (singular, not plural) and supporting children (plural, not singular) to accompany you for the better or worse ‘til death do you apart.

New Fun

2009-04-04T22:32:00.007-04:00

Last night was the first time I went clubbing for being absent from the scene for quite a while. I can proudly say I was not in attendance for almost a month. I should get an award for it considering I could go out 2-3 times in a week before.

Why?

I have my own reasons:

1. I’m reducing my alcohol intake.
Again, I can proudly say I haven’t consumed my long time favorite drink Chivas for almost a month. I only drink Bintang when I hang out and maybe one long drink when I go out.

2. I’m reducing my nicotine intake.
If I’m in the scene, I would drink and drinking goes hand in hand with smoking. I train in the gym 4 times a day doing cardio and weight training, cigarettes don’t do me justice.

3. I no longer like being in an overcrowded place.
I’m getting allergic for being in a place where people are packed like sardine in a can. A place where I must tiptoed to find my way to the ladies room, rubbing shoulders with strangers in the dance floor, or wait 10 minutes to get a drink.

4. I’m quite over it.
I’ve been going out since I was a boobless teenager. It’s fun to go out once in a while, but there is nothing special about it anymore if I do it too often. It gets boring: the same place, the same music… the same track in a different day… What’s more in it.

I’m not saying I’m completely over the scene. I still love dressing up to go to a club, the thrill of being in the verge of intoxication while I move my body with the crowd, eyeing on the beautiful people, meeting old friends or new people.

I’m just longing for a new fun, a new type of entertainment. Give it up for Penyu for opening my eyes and guiding me on this. He would set boundaries from saying no for ordering another long drink to taking me home when I feel like clubbing while there is no plan of doing so.

Lately, I’m into live music. From the dodgiest little bar with singer wearing shredded jeans and unwashed T-shirt for God knows how long.. To the hippest lounge with bule singer wearing designer jeans and a jacket. I’m tasting the new thrill of drinking beer over quality conversation while listening to a live band.

And oh, the last reason is…

How can I buy my own Bugatti Veyron if I go out 3 times a week and go to the office with dehydration and a hang over… hehehe…

Dienvenue a la Convention 2009

2009-03-22T08:47:00.009-04:00

Greetings from the land of watches and chocolates!

Here I am in Montreux for 5àSec International Convention. My last visit to Montreux was 6 years ago, so it's nice to visit the beautiful Swiss riviera city again. The conference would last until the 25th and I'm off to Geneve until the 29th for some leisure time :D

We met Monsieur Olivier Bédat when we arrived. We didn't even see him, but he went out to say hi to us when we were drinking hot chocolate out in the hotel terrace. He greeted, "You must be Shaskia from Indonesia." How do you know? "You're the only Asian in the convention" uh oh... Hope they won't have their own fun speaking French/Spanish/Portuguese and leave me and Bu Mia alone with big question marks.

Our room is so pretty with its own private terrace overlooking the Alps and Lake Geneva. Me and Bu Mia walked around the city for miles and miles. I actually burned off one pot of hot chocolate I consumed when I arrived. We're now desperately waiting for the clock to reach 7 pm because dinner isn't serve until then. We only ate an omelet in the plane, which was more than 12 hours ago. *growling growling*.

Wish me luck for the conference because I have to do a presentation :s

Little Intimate Wedding

2009-03-16T04:08:00.004-04:00

Okay, I must warn you… I’m writing this NOT because I’m getting married soon. I’m writing this because more and more young people I know are getting married.

*Shout out to Karlina who’s getting married this May. Happy for you, dear!*

As a youngster who got her heartbroken and saw the cruelty of failed relationships, I swore to myself that I would never tie myself in a spiritual and legal union of individuals.

Life is a gamble. Everything you choose involves risk. Just like entrepreneurship, marriage involves risk. If I don’t dare to take the risk and see what will happen, positive or negative, you will never know.

As I grew up, I understand the importance of companionship. If it doesn’t work *knocking my knuckles on wood*, then it doesn’t work. Leave me to my grief and I have to move on and play another gamble.

While my surroundings are getting married like animals in the spring, I’m starting to think about weddings. Wedding traditions and customs are valued greatly among Indonesians who live under culture and religion. It takes quite a lot of money to plan and arrange a wedding ceremony and reception.

I love going to weddings. I enjoy the ambience, the music, the food, and the people… breathing the happiness in the air.
Although I like to party, I prefer to have a small wedding. I would love to exchange wedding vows and rings in a mosque with no more than 80 guests, only close friends and family. We would complete the happy occasion with lunch, which also takes place in the mosque.

I would prefer to only have a little lunch celebration right after akad nikah. No wedding reception in a big fancy ballroom hotel with thousands of guests.

Why? Because I think it’s such a waste of money.

I would prefer our parents to actually spend the money on us by buying a honeymoon trip around the world, a home and car.
Plus… What’s better than really enjoying a little intimate wedding ceremony with close friends and family? Not torturing your feet for hours standing and not being able to enjoy your own happy day?

But again… it’s all back to our parents’ decision. You know what they say, weddings are the parents’ festivity.

On one nonnegotiable condition: NO traditional wedding ceremony AND reception. That’s a definite NO.

Nicotine Free (Not?)

2009-03-04T03:52:00.009-05:00

I inhaled my first smoke of filtered cigarette when I was 8. I tiptoed into my father’s room to steal one. He was a hard smoker at the time. He finished 5 packs a day. He lit a cigarette the second he woke up and didn’t stop until he went to bed. While he smoked for pleasure to satisfy his addiction to then nicotine, I didn’t find any enjoyment in smoking my first 2 puffs.

I remember the day my elementary school put a new “NO SMOKING” banner in the parking lot. The headmaster gave a little speech about the danger of smoking. When my father came home from work that night, I gave him a lecture about the danger of smoking, “Did you know there are dangerous kinds of additives in there? You can get lung cancer.”

By the time I got into Middle School, he stopped smoking. He had bad coughs for weeks and went to the Doctor. The Doctor said, “Sir, if you want to die young and in a painful way, please continue smoking” Just like that, he quitted. No nicotine patches, no nicotine gums, not reducing the consumption gradually. He had a determination and he stopped.

I had friends who smoked when I was in 9th grade. I went out with older guys who smoked. Then in response to the social culture, I inhaled my second filtered cigarette. I just did it 2 cigarettes once a week until I got into hard-core clubbing scene in 11th grade. I went out every weekend and was introduced to alcohol. My nicotine consumption increased.

Before I could just ask for a cigarette or two from a friend, but by that time I bought my own pack. My addiction to nicotine really worsened when I moved to Boston. Alone and miserable, I spent my days in my apartment poisoning my lungs.

Now I smoke one pack a day during the weekdays and two packs a day during the weekends. When I was still in Boston, my father gave an ultimatum that he won’t send me money if I continue on smoking. But it didn’t happen.

When he finds a cigarette pack or a lighter in my room at home or in the office, he throws it right away. That’s why I never have nice lighters only cheap ones.

I would never stop smoking to fulfill anyone’s wishes. I don’t stop smoking when my father asked me to. I don’t stop smoking when my boyfriend prefers me to. If I want to stop, I want to do it for myself.

Overwhelming guilt for my health attacked me on Monday morning. I spent the weekend drinking like a camel about to go on a month long trip on the desert and chain smoking like there’s no tomorrow.

Right then I said to myself: I should stop. I don’t know why but I choose to stop smoking first before I cut my alcohol consumption. Maybe I’ve been smoking longer than I’ve been drinking.

Now I haven’t had my nicotine fix for 3 days. I just cut my consumption all the way. I do crave especially during the day but the headaches are gone when I don’t think about it.

I increase my fitness intensity so quitting smoking won’t slow my metabolism. I benefit from its mild euphoria too. I drink a lot of water when I feel hungry since I don’t inhale appetite suppressant anymore.

My only worry is alcohol. It’s a huge trigger to smoke. For me, smoking and drinking go together like a foot in a shoe. I like the feeling of being intoxicated gives me better than the elation of satisfying my nicotine urges. So I choose quit smoking before I stop drinking. Maybe I should pack myself a packet of gum when I go out for drinks.

Wish me luck to quit smoking for good.

Heck, wish me luck so I would last until the end of the week!

I'll let you know if the my will is strong enough to light a cigarette when I drink my first glass this weekend.

Invasion of Privacy

2009-03-02T22:15:00.016-05:00

Everything comes with a price. Wealth brings you stress from running your company. Beauty brings you the stereotype of being an airhead.

The price of being a public figure? Privacy.

Politicians, celebrities, business leaders, athletes.. They are all under scrutiny.

Here’s a thought.

If you choose to be famous, can you complain for invasion of privacy when fans ask for your pictures while you’re having dinner or you signature while you’re shopping with your family?

Professionals work 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. Outside their working hours, they’re taking time off from their routines for leisure. But celebrities, they’re under the spotlight the whole time.

Can they blame the fans? Not really since they’re the ones who make them rich and famous. Celebrities consciously choose to be in the middle of public attention. When employees live by “customer is king”, celebrities live by “fan is king”.

Besides, they need the attention. When paparazzos don’t chase them around town anymore, they should worry because maybe there’s a hot new competition out there.

It depends on what kind of media attention you want to draw. Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan style by flashing the world their va-jay-jays or Angelina Jolie style by traveling the world helping the poor.

DEADMAU5

2009-02-26T02:55:00.006-05:00

I recall the first time I hear Deadmau5’s track. I was still in Boston sitting alone in front of my iMac accompanied by my third glass of Chivas on the rocks downloading new tracks on iTunes. It was a breezy February Tuesday night and I just got back from Rumor. The bouncer rejected my fake Indonesian driving license and I had to freeze my tush hailing a cab home alone.

Total disappointment. I was already dressed up and excited to drink and dance my sorrows away at Rumor. What worse for a girl than getting all dolled up and getting rejected entering a club? I had a long bad day and it ruined my feeling of great enthusiasm.

A kind man hailed me a cab. The driver sensed my crushed temporary state of mind, and asked me if I had a bad night. I poured my heart out to him telling how much I wanted to go back home. I got home, opened a bottle of booze and decided to enjoy the lonesome night in my room listening to some music. Just like any other night when I was feeling blue and need a boast.

I know, I know… my pick-me-up behavior showed lack of maturity by spending my night alone consuming toxic substance. But what the heck, I was an undergrad (I guess that’s an excuse?)

I am the kind of person who can enjoy any kind of music when I go out. As long there’s some intoxicating constituent from the beverages I consume, the night is looking good and I’m all set. Doesn’t matter where I am, home along or in the crowded hippest club, doesn’t matter what music I listen to, electro house or rnb.

When Genius in iTunes suggested Deadmau5’s first album Get Scrapped when I was looking to buy some new tracks, I just downloaded the whole thing. That’s how I was first introduced to Deadmau5.

Anyway, I’ll see you guys there!

***

7/24 proudly presents:

SOUNDFESSION CLUBHOPPERS DEADMAU5 EDITION

Saturday, February 28th 2008
@ X2 Club, Jakarta
Doors open: 10pm

with special guest: Deadmau5
(Mau5trap Recordings / Canada)
DJ Mag 2008 #11

Also all 7/24 DJs:
Audie
Dee
Lola Alicia
Purple
Rome

MC by P Double (Soul Menace)

Flicker Screen

Also ND White and Cello

Ofiicial Radio Partner:
Indika FM

Powered by Pioneer ProDJ

Supported by:
Beatport
Ravelex.net
Indonesiaclubbing.com
Radio A

This event is fully presented by 7/24 Management

Natural High

2009-02-24T03:46:00.001-05:00

I stood still, my heart was thumping wildly just after 15 minutes of running at a steady gentle pace. After months with the absence of any physical exercise, my endurance level dropped. I used to run 5 miles every other day back when I was in high school.

My lungs inhale more tobacco and other nasty additives, my body stores toxic from all the Chivas I gulped down my throat, and couch potato is my middle name. My only cardio is dancing the night away when I go clubbing and maybe doing laps around the mall when I go shopping. No wonder, my stamina is below average.

Determined to have Jessica Alba’s body, I signed up to a fitness program with a personal trainer at a gym 5 minutes from my house. Just after 1 free tryout session, I signed up for 36 sessions program. My trainer, Dede, set a goal of reducing 6% of my body fat percentage. He said there is no problem with my weight. I just have to turn fat into muscle so I would be toned and ‘sekel’.

Penyu, who is already a gym member long before I joined, came along with me to my first official session. He wanted to check out the trainer, making sure my trainer is not showing any indications of flirtatious behavior haha…

I’m used to cardio so other than reintroducing my lungs to the pace, it’s familiar. What I haven’t done before is weight training. Dede made me do a variety of specialized equipment to target specific muscle groups. I told him that I want to make my arms smaller (I have chicken wings arms) but make my butt bigger. I want traffic stopper butt! It wasn’t that bad because I started with lighter weights then Dede will gradually make it heavier later on.

Resistance training began in Ancient Greece time. Ancient wrestler Milo of Croton trained by carrying calf on his back everyday (Thank God we live in this modern era). Weight training became popular after the release of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s movie Pumping Iron in the 80s.

The next day…

My arms ache, my thighs sore haha… But determined to have Megan Fox’s body, I schedule 4 times a week of training. 2 during my office hour lunch time and 2 during the weekend.

I enjoy it even more after 3 sessions. Other than I have something to do instead of sitting my ass off in front of TV or Facebook, I have more energy and it has an antidepressant effect. Back in my high school days, when I was pissed about something I run on the treadmill. Working a sweat while listening to pick-me-up music.

I wish to be happier by the release of my body natural morphine as known as endorphins.

You know, the pleasure of getting that natural high.

إن شاء الله

2009-02-22T10:08:00.005-05:00

Insha’Allah means “God willing” or “If it is God’s will” in English.

The phrase is used by Muslims to indicate hope for an event to occur in the future. It’s also often used to signify a desire to do something that you wish may occur. If you want to achieve an objective, you invoke God’s blessing before you set out to do it.

According to that understanding, Insha’Allah is said when you have a strong feeling of wanting to achieve an objective. In other words, you really really want that to happen and you try as hard as you can, asking for God’s blessing.

But my experience tells me that people literally translate Insha’Allah to ‘hopefully’

“I’ll try to come to your birthday, Insha’Allah”
“I’ll finish the work before Friday, Insha’Allah”
“I’ll pay you back, Insha’Allah”
“I won’t cheat on you, Insha’Allah”

They did the opposite.

When I hear people say Insha’Allah or answer a request with Insha’Allah, there’s a big chance that they won’t keep their words.

So if I ask something to people and they answer with Insha’Allah, I would ask them again, “Yes or No?”

Vitual Infidelity = Emotional Affair ?

2009-02-19T03:23:00.006-05:00

Technology has been created to improve human conditions. It allows people to travel into space, grow crops in deserts, transplant organs or even make your boobs bigger. But every good thing comes with a price. Global warming and genocide are some of the negative products of technology.

Philosophically, there are debates over whether technology improves human condition or worsens it. Techno-progressivism and transhumanism consider technology as beneficial to society. On the other hand, anarcho-primitivism and Neo-Luddism are among many movements that criticize the pervasiveness of technology. They claim that it harms the environment and alienates people.

Before this century, when people commit a breach of faith in a relationship they had to commit adultery. Well, it depends on what you consider cheating is. Some people say flirting or holding hands aren’t cheating but sleeping with the person is cheating. The boundaries are relative. But one thing for sure, people had to have physical presence and/or contact when they commit indiscretion.

Today, still in mind that boundaries of a relation is relative, cheating can be committed without physical presence and/or contact.

You know that classic story of getting caught being too flirty from text messages. They don’t have to necessarily meet in person, but they text message, BBM, and call each other religiously just like a boyfriend and girlfriend. The boyfriend left his phone out in the open for the girlfriend to check out the messages. It’s not rare to hear stories relationships had broken from seeing an “I miss you, Honey” in one of two’s inbox. Not from a good friend of his, but from someone the girlfriend doesn’t know anything about.

Some even are getting it off watching porn while their wives or girlfriends are sleeping in the other room. Or even worse, committing cyber sex while their significant others are sleeping in the other room.

Can you call virtual infidelity as infidelity?

The definition of infidelity is any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules, which creates a breach of faith in a relationship. So it depends on the couple themselves on what grounds they make the boundaries they consider an act as cheating.

My own personal thought, there are some rules that without even saying them, you already must know. Having a real affair for one thing, jerking off with someone across the world is another thing. It’s disrespectful and the key of a happy relationship is respect other than honesty and trust.

Emotional affair is as painful as the real affair. It excludes physical intimacy but includes emotion intimacy. It doesn’t require sexual play and/or intercourse to ruin a relationship. Men’s indiscretions are more sexual and women’s are more emotional based on Glass and Wright research. Women may say, “I didn’t do anything” when women accuse them of having an affair. Well, it doesn’t need too.

Technology can support emotional affair.

Text messages, Facebook messages, YM, Skype, BlackBerry can support the continuity of someone’s emotional affair. Looking at your significant other’s personal messages is unnecessary (apalagi kalau udah gak pacaran lagi agak nyindir dikit) It’s untrusting and disrespectful. You have to respect your significant other’s privacy.

But when someone put a PIN code to unlock his/her phones so the significant other won’t see what’s in there…

There might be something in there…

Divine Intervention VS Human Will

2009-02-16T08:34:00.002-05:00

Benjamin Button narrates, “Sometimes we’re on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it.”

Have you watched 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'?

It’s an intriguing movie but there’s one especially thought stimulating scene that captivated my awe towards life. Benjamin told a string of events that leads to Daisy’s accident of being hit by a taxi.

“And if only one thing had happened differently: if that shoelace hadn’t broken; or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier; or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend; or that man had set his alarm and got up 5 minutes earlier or that taxi driver hadn’t stopped for a cup of coffee; or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would’ve crossed the street, and the taxi would’ve driven by. But life being what it is – a series of intersecting lives and incidents out of anyone’s control – that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted and that taxi hit Daisy and her leg was crushed.”

Every single individual must have experienced those little regrets of doing harmless things to avoid a disaster: “I should’ve left a few minutes earlier/later” or “I shouldn’t had done that to avoid this”.

A few years back when I was still a freshman in Boston, I was looking for a parking space in a movie theater parking lot. It was a Friday and the lot was packed. I drove in circles several times waiting for a car to go out. Then I saw from a distance this one car backing up and I started to drive there, but a man was walking so I had to stop. After the man walked by the empty spot was taken by another car. Then I saw another car backing up. I tried to park there although the space was really small. Before I knew it, I hit the wall and made a really big mess on the right side of the car that the doors couldn’t open.

If that man had walked moments after or moments earlier; or the other car that took the first parking spot arrived moments after; I wouldn’t had to spend a fortune to repair the dent and scratches on my car.

Destiny refers to a predetermined course of events. It may be fore-ordained by Divine intervention (read: God) or human will. It may be considered as a fixed sequence of events that is inevitable or people choose their own destiny by choosing different paths throughout their lives. Fate and destiny are used interchangeably in many cases but they can be distinguished. Fate defines as a power that predetermines the course of events.

Fate is the finality of events as they have worked themselves out. Destiny is projection into the future to become the inevitability of events as they will themselves out.

I believe that there are 3 kinds of destiny: death, wealth (rezeki), and soul mate (jodoh).

For instance: Death. Your death is predetermined. Say your life is determined to end when you’re 75 years old. That’s inevitable either you die because of a disease or hit by a car, that’s your fate. But before you reach 75 years old and you commit a suicide, you choose your own destiny and that becomes your fate.

I believe soul mate doesn’t entirely determined by Divine intervention. There’s not only one soul mate but there’s a couple. You have to choose your own destiny; chooding between the two which one best suits you and that becomes your fate.

I also believe wealth involves human will (obviously!). If someone is predestined to be the wealthiest person in Timbuktu but he doesn’t make any effort, it’s useless. Wealth involves luck. Luck is Divine intervention. There are people who are intelligent and work their asses off but their careers stay stagnant, they’re not predestined with good wealth.

But the most important thing is your future success and wealth depends on who you choose to spend your life with. If you choose a wrong significant other, either your significant other doesn’t fully support you or even ruins you.

I always hear that cliché “be good while you’re alive because good deeds are the only possession you bring to the next world.”

Cliché but true.

I just witnessed a stranger died when I visited my grandma in the ICU. His family gathered together, crying and praying. He was helpless although I couldn’t see if he was in peace or agony.

No matter how powerful, how wealthy, how beautiful, how famous you are…

We are all going to die…

It’s up to every individual to choose their own path of destiny to take the best out of life to achieve a better fate.

Kita hidup mencari doa dan kita mati menunggu doa.

We live to find prayers and we die waiting for prayers.

We live to do good deeds to other so they will send their prayers when we die.

"The choices we make, and the chances we take, determine our destiny"

Buddha Bar

2009-02-12T04:10:00.004-05:00

I love Buddha Bar.

The ambience, the interior, the music, the beautiful people...

But have you ever wonder if the Buddhists ever protested against the creator of Buddha Bar?

I can guarantee you the Muslims would exhibit intense rage if a bar called Islam Bar was created and use Holly Prophet Muhammad as its logo. Or the Christians wouldn’t be able to hide their temper when a bar called Christian Bar was created and use Jesus Christ as its logo.

I Hate Intentional Pretentious Display

2009-02-10T11:06:00.013-05:00

"A superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions” –Confucius

Any individual who is intelligent and blessed with good luck has a high probability to succeed.

But if you ask me who will excel beyond expectation in the future and stay successful, they’re the ones who stay under the radar, the ones who are humble.

Others envy people who succeed, but they admire people who succeed without intentional pretentious display (verbal and non verbal).

Lunch meeting with Mr. Boss, Kak Dodi & Mr. David

Value Proposition

2009-02-02T07:54:00.011-05:00

Why is it Casio can sell a calculator cheaper than Kellogg’s can sell a box of cornflakes?

Why is it you can get patient help and warmness from a Home Depot clerk when selecting a $2.70 package of screws, but you get can’t get any advice when purchasing a $ 2,700 computer from IBM’s direct ordering service?

I’m reading Treacy & Wiersema’s “The Discipline of Market Leaders”. There are 3 value disciplines, each for different kind of customers: operational excellence, product leadership, and customer intimacy.

Operational excellence means providing customer with reliable products or services at competitive prices (read: cheap) with minimal difficulty. In other word: PRICE. Example: Walmart.

Product leadership means continually redefining the state of the art. In other word: QUALITY. Example: Sony.

Customer intimacy provides total solution, not just a product or service. In other word: SERVICE. Example: Singapore Airlines.

So why does Home Depot give more attention to you while you’re spending much less than IBM?

Home Depot chooses service over product quality while IBM chooses product quality over service.

Can a company have all three? Not likely. Different customers buy different kinds of value. A company can’t be the best in all dimensions. A company must choose its customers and narrow its focus.

Say you’re opening a restaurant. The service is excellent and the food makes you produce more saliva just thinking about it. Imported meat and wine, even the Chef is imported. Your restaurant wins in QUALITY and SERVICE while you’re sacrificing PRICET by charging customers with expensive bills. But it’s OK because your restaurant is still making profit since your customers are buying QUALITY and SERVICE. Those two values overshadow the expensive PRICE.

News Flash: I love reading. From Shakespeare to Arthur Miller, from Richard Branson to Stephen Hawking. My mind explores other things while I read. It doesn’t stop there. I contemplate. That’s why I love reading, I link everything I read with life.

The three value disciplines.

PRICE. QUALITY. SERVICE.

You must sacrifice one in order to excel in others.

Then it hit me.

You know how in beauty pageants or modeling competitions they always say the THREE B’s? BRAIN, BEAUTY, and BEHAVIOR.

Can really a person have it all?

Paris Hilton has BEAUTY. BRAIN and BEHAVIOR? Not so much.
Oprah Winfrey has BRAIN and BEHAVIOR. BEAUTY? Not so much.

Princess Grace of Monaco aka Grace Kelly. BRAIN? She was the first woman to head the PE Department at UPenn. Check! BEAUTY? Her charms walked her to MGM studio and into the arms of Price of Monaco. Check! Behavior? Although she was a regular in gossip coloums, just like her name, she was graceful. Check!

Happiness? Unknown.

There aren’t many Three B’s out there but their weaknesses are overshadowed by their strengths.

A girl can’t be the best in all dimensions like a company can’t be the best in all dimensions. If you want reputation by dating an armcandy, nobody blames you if she’s not educated and can’t hold a decent coversation. If you want to have a good wife who takes care of you and your future children, nobody blames you if she doesn’t stop the traffic when she walks by.

It depends on what you’re looking for.

And if you get what you’re looking for, your profit is happiness.

SWOT Analysis

2009-01-27T09:22:00.018-05:00

You would call a business school as a failure if one of its fresh graduates doesn’t know what SWOT analysis is. It’s a strategic planning method used to evaluate Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats in a venture. It specifies the company’s objective and identifies the internal and external factors that are favorable and unfavorable to achieve them.

I have a new project in mind and in order to develop the concept before I’m hunting for the location, I’m conducting a SWOT analysis of my future competitors. I have 2 weeks and I hope it will launch in three months.

Then I realized something. We’re doing SWOT analysis while we’re dating. We look for our significant other’s Strengths and Weaknesses. If he’s fantastically blessed with good looks and fortune but he’s like a flesh in a pool of piranhas with girls throwing themselves at him. We look for his Opportunities whether his parents accept your religion and race. We look for future Threats whether he has a long history of womanizing and the possibility to leave you for a 21 year old when he hits his second puberty.

There’s a Javanese saying of “Bibit, Bebet, Bobot,” it states that if an individual wants to commit his/herself in a marriage, he/she has to look at the partner’s bibit (background), bebet (family, environment, friends), and bobot (the quality of his/her character: attitude, education, faith). That’s the ‘SWOT analysis’ in building a relationship.

Love is not enough. Love wears off, beauty wears off, and wealth wears off.

Nobody is perfect but you have to minimize the risk of failure. Just like conducting a SWOT analysis to do a strategic planning method to minimize future risk for your business, you have to keep Bibit, Bebet and Bobot in mind to minimize future risk of your long term commitment.

***

Last Saturday Nadia celebrated her 21st birthday at her gorgeous house. There I met Nick Pudjiadi and told him about my role as a ‘business negotiator’ in mining. It turned out he was put quite a bit of interest to what I was saying while I was still under the influence. He called me today and a company is seeking for a mine. Taadaaa…. It’s my second project after Daewoo International. Wish me luck :)

The Three Musketeers at Nadia's

On Sunday, I woke up early still hung over from the night before and got ready to go to my farm. A group of expatriates wanted to take a look at the farm so why not grab our hats and show them around, maybe we can grab the expatriates market. They were ecstatic!!

Mr. Boss at the expats looking at different kinds of lettuce babies

Mr. Boss exhausted from the heat

The next morning, I had to wake up early again because Oom Ossy had a Chinese New Year lunch. Then I went out again with Penyu and I had to wake up early for work. I didn’t get much sleep this weekend but it was a fine weekend.

Oom Ossy, Mr. Boss and me dressed for the occassion

I’m going to Montreux, Switzerland on March for Laundry & Dry Cleaning International Convention. Mr. Boss appointed me to go because he never goes. So I had to learn all about laundry and dry cleaning before I go so I won’t turn up like an idiot fresh graduate whose dad got an award for the best laundry but doesn’t know a thing about the process. So every morning at 9, I walk to Pondok Indah outlet and learned the process from being a counter girl to a marker to presser, EVERYTHING…. 2 hours every morning I actually doing it so I would know EVERYTHING… learning by doing.

I Have To Earn What I Want

2009-01-19T05:38:00.018-05:00

TO: MESAYU TALLA NOERDIN

You were very small, you were very little…

You were very annoying, you still are…
You’ve grown big although you’re still shorter than me…
You’ve grown mature although you still get lost in airports…
You’ve grown independent although you didn’t know how to write a check…
Whatever you choose, whatever you do…
I will always support and love you…

Happy 20^th Birthday, my dear sister

I wish you all the sweetness and happiness in life.

***

Good Start

2009-01-11T04:20:00.016-05:00

It’s been a week of work and I’m loving it. Going out on the weekend seemed much more exciting after a week of productive activity with the intention of generating a profit. On weekdays I leave home at 8 am and back home passed 10 pm. Well, it’s not all work until 10, I add a little romance after work like going out to dinner or movie. On weekend I leave home after sunset and back home after sunrise.

My little brother saw me in the morning and said, “Where have you been all these days?” He hadn’t got it that I’m working now, he thought I’ve been out having fun all these time.

Penyu made a new rule of clubbing only once a week. One day for clubbing and another for what he calls ‘pacaran sehat’. I don’t mind at all because this way I can reduce my alcohol intake. But so far it hasn’t been done hehe…

I’ve moved to Pondok Indah and I’m pretty glad. I’m still living alone. It’s quite close by to my office. I bought a pretty pink bicycle from Ace Hardware and I intend to ride it to the office. Cute, huh? I’d wear my sneakers and sweatpants and change into my sexy pumps and high waisted skirt after I arrive. Just like a working Bostonian but instead of breathing fresh morning air I’d inhale pollution.

The Bostonians are leaving. My sister is leaving today. It means reality really sets in. My dad says, “Why don’t you take the day off to spend the day with your sister before she leaves?”

“I can do that?”

“Sure, I’m the Boss.”

But I said no and he said, “Kamu rajin ya” at breakfast this morning. Tee hee hee… He must’ve been astonished that I don’t take an opportunity to take a day off.

In conclusion, it’s a good start of a new life. I’m pretty content.

There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

2009-01-06T01:20:00.020-05:00

I feel like a European hedgehog revived from weeks of hibernation. My years of inactivity and depression as a result from listening too much theory in class finally brushed off from existence. While hibernating animals conserve energy during winter, I wasted energy during school.

I started my first day of work yesterday. My somatic cells created a little anxiety but they turned into excitement and determination as the day went by. I got my own mini office in the marketing department. I’m working on PT. Grita Artha Kreamindo’s newest business: PT. Grita Farm Indonesia – Better Life. I’m also creating 5 a Sec’s magazine Informe and a business plan for a restaurant.

It has only been the second day, but I already had 2 on-site meetings and another 2 off-site meetings. I can take away something from one single meeting. Other than learning about food production operation, I learned about low profile-ness just from one single meeting. Compare it to sitting in a lame 2 hours class group meeting? Huh not for me.

I can honestly say I feel more mature and responsible. I have to earn it. If I don't work tenaciously enough, I wouldn't earn it. My goal is to EARN IT.

On my way back to Pondok Indah from Cibitung, my consciousness formed countless thoughts recollecting what happened in a meeting before. It gave rise to actual concepts and more importantly, will-power, to realize my very own little service business.

This is what I call learning and producing at the same time.

Rejuvenated. Challenged.

Loving it.

Liberty

2008-12-29T04:53:00.013-05:00

When European immigrants finally saw the Statue of Liberty after a long journey on a ship, they didn't only see a foreign land.

They saw freedom.

They left everything behind to gain freedom as aliens in a foreign land.

The liberty of a young woman is freedom itself.

If it is taken, human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value is violated.

If it is taken, I don’t know where I belong and I might as well be dead.

BetterLife Hydroponic Farm

2008-12-26T00:51:00.005-05:00

Thophrastus (372-287 BC) was among the first people who experimented on the study of crop nutrition. In late 1920s, a Professor from UC Berkeley, William Frederick Gericke, began publicly promoting that solution culture can be used for agricultural crop production. He grew 25 feet tomato vines in his backyard in mineral nutrient rather than soil. He introduced the term hydroponics in 1937 for the culture of plants in water.

Today, hydroponics is an established branch of agronomical science. The advantages are much higher crop yields and it can be used in places were ordinary agriculture is impossible. It grows faster with relative freedom from soil diseases and excellent quality of produce.

Looking at the gap in the marketplace, PT. Grita Artha Kreamindo, the market leader in Laundry and Dry Cleaning company (5 à Sec) created its brainchild PT. Grita Farm Indonesia. It is a hydroponic farm in Indonesia cultivating premium quality hydroponic produce that are pesticide free and of high quality nutritional value.

PT. Grita Farm Indonesia has started growing vegetables, fruits and herbs under its brand name BetterLife Hydroponic Farm with the support of experts from New Zealand and Thailand.

BetterLife Hydroponic Farm Website

It uses two types of Nutrient Film Technique (NFT) which are fixed bench system and sliding bench system. A Drip Fertigation system is the industry standard internationally for vine crops and ideal for year round growing in all climates is also used. Recycled Drop Fertigation System is favored by growers who live in areas where there is a sensitive eco-system which may be damaged by nutrient run off like our beloved city Jakarta.

Site Location

It is my first real project entering the real world.

Wish me luck!!

Dream Big, Do Even Bigger

2008-12-09T00:53:00.005-05:00

I have a nauseating and fluttering sensation in my stomach each time I think about it. Not in a literal sense but metaphorically.

My heart rhythmic contraction picks up its pace faster each time I think about it. Not in a metaphorical sense but literally.

It’s the same inexplicable feeling on the first day of your school or work. You have great enthusiasm and eagerness but yet you’re agitatedly anxious. You don’t know what to expect. You’re a complete alien in an environment with unpredictable variables. You’re out from your comfort zone, out from your imaginary bubble.

When you join the student body of an educational institution, you know where you’re going. There’s a clear list of courses to take in order to graduate. There’s syllabus for each course so you know what the instructor expect from you in order to have a satisfying grade.

But when you enter the real world, there’s no instruction or manual for you to exceed.

That’s the reason why I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart pumps blood throughout my body faster every time I think about going back home for good.

I had an epiphany selling Sailor Moon cards my father bought me from Hong Kong in second grade that my purpose in life is to be an entrepreneur. Or in sixth grade when I got $5 million in profit playing Roller Coaster Tycoon in one sitting. My goal is to be like my father. He started with nothing but succeeded to support his children education wherever we wish to pursue our studies.

I was born into an emotionally and financially supportive family, not to mention very liberal. It means I have a double dose of competitive advantage to pursue my purpose in life.

So why I still have butterflies in my stomach and my heart pumps bloods throughout my body faster every time I think about entering the real world? Why? It’s my dream to drown myself in a world of practice not theory.

Maybe it’s because I’m a dreamer. Yes, I’m a big hopeless dreamer.

I’m Hamlet. I’m an individual of words, not action. Overanalyzing things to the point where I’m drown into my own thoughts and the action is left out. “The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions,” the esteemed Chinese thinker and social philosopher, Confucius, once said. A successful individual must reflect to his/her actions since actions lie louder than words. In order to be successful, the most significant thing is to take action.

It all comes down to attitude. When an organization contains individuals with great attitude, it leads to the creation of excellent human capital. Why some wealthiest people in the world don’t have college degree? It’s because qualifications can be taught and learned, but attitude comes from within.

I want to take action by going back home and dive into new experiences and environments to broaden my head (knowledge) and heart (empathy).

Yes, I’m hopelessly attacked by fright and anxiousness.

But I strive to work smart and use every good opportunity in order to achieve my fullest potential. I want to be like Richard Branson who can juggle fun and work because if I don’t have fun and socialize, I might as well kill myself. Therapeutic refreshment of my body and mind cannot be eliminated. My goal in life is personal happiness as well as personal success so I can enjoy the outcome of my work without the regret of missing the excitement of life.

At the end, I hope I can sit back and thank myself that I have not only become a dreamer, but also a doer.

Dignitas

2008-12-04T23:46:00.009-05:00

While I was researching about suicide methods (I’m curious with random things), I came across a Swiss euthanasia group called Dignitas. The groups aids people with incurable physical and mental illnesses to die with the help of doctors and nurses.

If Malaysia has medical tourism, Switzerland has suicide tourism. The British travel to the mountainous landlocked country to die at one of Dignitas’ apartments. They have two methods of taking lives: helium gas intake or anti-metic drug followed by Nembutal. From what I read from the suicide methods list, I found that barbiturate, like Nembutal, is considered a safe option for immediate suicide. In other words, it’s the least painless method of suicide because it’s a former sleeping pill active agent that causes the person to fall asleep. Anesthesia leads to coma while breathing becomes shallow. Death occurs by respiratory arrest 30 minutes after intake.

Of course there are criticism toward this group. There is a criticism toward the practice of euthanasia, most of the debate come from religious beliefs.

I was reading this while I was watching House marathon on USA. One episode tells a story about a 19-year-old girl who tries to commit a suicide. She’s a model student with loving parents. When she was asked why would she want to die she answers, “I’m unhappy.”

The next episode is about a case of a 14-year-old boy in an instant need of bone marrow transplant while his well-being deteriorates. The only match he has is his 10-year-old brother who has an unknown infection, which is useless because the infected transplant can cause the 14-year-old to die. They both have strong determination to live.

They’re both in an institution that provides health care but one wants to die while the other wants to live. The basic right to which all humans are entitled is the right to life. Medical practitioners’ job is to restore human health at their best of their knowledge and capabilities. Hospitals located in countries with no legal euthanasia law, doctors will keep on diagnosing and maintaining the health of their patients no matter how in pain and how the patients want to stop the pain by dying.

But what if the patient doesn’t want to live? What if the pain is so severe and the illness is incurable such as terminal cancer or tetraplegia?

Human rights refers to “the basic rights and freedoms to which all human are entitled.” There’s freedom in it. Dignitas was founded to give the option to terminally ill people to gain their human rights of freedom.

Everyone has the right to choose.

Can a person choose to die?

While in some parts of the world people are in hunger, 10-year-old kid has 3 months to live because of leukemia, an upstart lawyer is waitlisted in vain for a heart donor… It’s highly offensive to them to take your own life if you’re physically healthy.

A Bunch of Bull

2008-12-01T17:29:00.002-05:00

UPS is bullshit.

Inexperienced and unknowledgeable customer service. The local UPS Store guy said I can ship my personal belongings to Indonesia so I bought four 60 lbs boxes and started packing. He even gave me a price quote.

When I called their 1-800 number to schedule package pickup (because it’s impossible to perform heavy lifting duty of four 60 lbs boxes, LCD TV and iMac by myself to the store), the lady said I couldn’t ship personal belongings.

Hellow? Have you ever heard of the importance of training your store employees so customers don’t waste their valuable time by being given wrong information?

I have the brochure in my hand and it says: “We can manage pickup, packaging and delivery”. When I asked if they can help me with the packaging of the TV and desktop, they said, “the driver doesn’t do packaging.” So don’t print it on your brochure under “Local Pickup.”

Hellow? Do you know that leaflet advertisement is used to persuade potential customers to do business with you? But you don’t print a service offering that doesn’t even exist!

This shipping thing is boiling my blood to the core. Not to mention a bullshit management presentation I have tomorrow and Friday, and a bullshit History of Modern Iran paper.

Now what?

I have to practice presenting a presentation that I consider to be a complete nonsense and useless tonight and Thursday night. On Saturday, I have to take my heavy boxes, unwrapped TV and iMac to Fedex Kinkos because again, “the driver doesn’t do packaging.”

A Stamp of Approval

2008-11-20T00:07:00.002-05:00

When you were little, you strive to get that gold star sticker as a stamp of approval for being a bright student by coloring inside the lines.

When you reached your adolescence, you strive to get an extra hour to your curfew as a stamp of approval for being responsible by going home on time after a night out.

When you graduated high school, you strive to get into a Law or Medical School as a stamp of approval for being the in the top occupation hierarchy by having LLB or MD following your name after you earn your degree.

When you’re living off you parents’ paycheck, you strive to get that bonus as a stamp of approval for being an outstanding employee by using your Ivy League business school skills or licking your boss’ ass.

According to Carl Rogers, in order to become a fully functioning person one must learn to make the organism and self one by opening oneself to all experience.

Every individual is made up of an organism and a self. The organism is the whole person – thoughts/feelings/physical urges– what you were born with your own belief and it struggles for perfection. The self is an image of what one is and what one values.

The ideal self is what you want to become in order to meet the society demand or self that have been impacted by the society; self that has been impacted by the society. The self depends on how others respond and approve/disapprove. The self therefore often starts conflict with the organism’s basic urge for perfection.

If one receives positive regard, which is unconditional approval for what one is, one has true regard for oneself. If approval is dependent on performing a good or specific behavior, one sees oneself as being worthy only when behaving according conditions of worth.

Therefore, a healthy personality develops under 3 conditions:
1. Unconditional positive regard
2. Openness (ability to express themselves freely rather than playing a role)
3. Empathy (ability to understand a person’s feelings and perception)

All of your life, your self seeks approval from your parents, teachers, friends, bosses, society to fulfill that hunger for perfection.

How about yourself?

What do you strive for your organism?

As for me…

I thank God that I'm showered with unconditional positive regard, openness and empathy from the ones who nurtured and raises me as an offspring. I was born into an authoritarian but yet liberal environment with continuous opportunity to be open to all experience.

Or I might as well be mentally deranged because my organism and self are constantly in conflict.

If it's God's will, I'll strive to be who I want to become to build you a mansion both in this life and afterlife.

In order to achieve that...

I strive to make the SMS I sent my dad 8 years ago a reality as a stamp of approval for being a doer by ditching MBA and going home for good to drown myself in the real world.

The Haram Police

2008-11-12T09:04:00.004-05:00

Listen what this guy has to say. It's funny but it's pretty deep.

Moral of the video:

Don't assume the ill in others
Don't try to correct others by humiliating them.
It's not how it works.

There's More Below The Surface

2008-11-11T23:27:00.002-05:00

I have two drugs that can make my mind, body and soul better when life obstacles cross my path.

They are:

Alcohol and Spirituality.

The term spirituality ties closely to religious belief and faith. Thus, it seems paradoxical when I pair those two words together since most religions forbid or discourage the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

Every time I'm upset about something I fell the urge to consume my dose of happy pill. My dose of happy pill is either 6 shots of Chivas or Isha prayer continued with reading Quran and astral projection. Contradictory. But that’s just the way my life works to purify myself when I’m contaminated with life complications.

There are various acts of purification in Sufi branches of Islam. They call it dhikr, which is the exercise of torturing the body through spinning and dancing. So why would you torture your body if you have to take good care of your body?

The answer would be to liberate the soul from this earthly body and achieve the state of “fana” or “itihad”. That’s why you should try astral projection at least once in your lifetime. It’s such a liberating experience. It takes great practice if you don’t have the natural ‘talent’ to do it but sure it’s worth it.

My first astral voyage was accidental. I was there in my living room looking at the ceiling. I had absolutely nothing in my mind, just looking up at the ceiling. The next thing I knew, the ceiling became closer and closer. I was like, “wait… what’s going on..” then I look at the opposite direction. I saw my body lying on the sofa looking up at the ceiling. Then bam! I was back in my body sitting up trying to cope my breath.

I put my curiosity toward the experience at the back of my head until I saw Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic promotional video on Youtube. The suborbital flight costs US$200,000 per person. I read the comments and one of them says, “Don’t spend your money on that if you’re not a millionaire. Just try astral projection.”

When I was 14 years old, I texted my father out of the blue: My ultimate goals in life other that to make you proud are to be Asia’s richest woman and travel to outer space.

I have achieved one of my ultimate goals in life. I traveled to outer space.

Astral projection is basically the ability to leave your body. Your soul leaves the physical body to travel in the astral plane. It’s the world of the planetary spheres. It’s the world between earthly things and after death. When you do astral projection, you can visit different times and/or physical settings. And for me, it’s part of my spiritual and religious experience where I can find enlightenment and peace.

Maybe I was born with natural talent to astral project because my first try was a success. I studied an article before I gave my first try. Basically, your mind has to be calm and empty. And whatever you think when you’re already in that alternate state of being, it can happen. I went to the moon, I hung out with Nenek and Opa, and I witnessed the end of the world. I keep it to myself all these times because I don’t see the need to show what I do with my personal and spiritual life. But being stereotyped and judged can really be tiring. So I’m coming out of my closet and tell you what I do to stay grounded. Point blank.

Everyone has his/her own drug to make his/her physical and mental being better. My drug is either alcohol or spirituality. Some might don’t get me because those two things are contradictory. I'm an alcoholic religious being. They don’t go hand in hand but that’s the way I am.

I’m staying true and I’m not a hypocrite.

Go figure.

Shaskia's Trick or Treat!

2008-11-02T22:11:00.039-05:00

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

I wonder why people treat birthday as an occasion of celebration and present-giving. What’s there to be celebrated about? You lose another year of your existence, getting closer to the end of life. Some religions even oppose birthday celebrations, relating it to paganism.

Non-Christian cult of Mithras in Persia first introduced large-scale birthday celebrations in 1st-4th century CE. But the celebration itself and many tradition associated with it (present giving, birthday cakes, cards) is as old as human conception of time.

The origin of birthday celebration relates to superstition. Prehistoric humans thought evil spirits constantly haunted them. These evil spirits were particularly strong when a person was undergoing a change in his/her life, such as: marriage, giving birth, and birthday. This is why the tradition of having a birthday party began. It was believed that by having family and friends around having a great time, the evil spirits could keep away. Loud noises drove the evil spirits away. This is why today we sing songs, laugh, and scream as part of our birthday celebration.

I celebrate birthday because I have yet survived another year of ups and downs of subsistence as the greatest gift from God. Reality sets in that I’m not that young anymore. I’m an adult who has to make a living on my own. I want to be more independent, smart, and responsible. And most importantly: increase my level of AMBITION AND TENACITY. I have to be tenaciously ambitious to achieve success in everything that’s positive.

So I address my solemn request to my one and only creator and ruler of the universe, Allah, to give me another blessed year and a smooth journey to achieve my ultimate goal in life: to make my parents proud of me.

AAAMIEN.

In the meanwhile.. let me share my annual anniversary celebration story :)

I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday at Rumor like previous year. The party only lasted for 3 hours (clubs here close at 2 AM) and blowing thousands of dollars on bottles of liquor that would not even be digested (read: puked) made me sad. My dearest sister had an idea of making a Halloween themed party to celebrate my birthday. So we had SHASKIA’S TRICK OR TREAT at our apartment Saturday night Nov 1st and I celebrated my 22nd birthday at midnight.

We had been visiting iParty since Wednesday buying decorations and party favors. But it wasn’t until Saturday morning we really turned the place around. Thanks to Rani for helping us :) We covered the walls with black sheets and put glow in the dark stars, scary mummy, skulls, etc. We had disco ball, probe lights and fog machine. We also bought 122 helium balloons that we scattered up on the ceiling. The lady who made our balloons was kind of shocked when we ordered 4 more dozens after buying 6 dozens. The night before, I made 101 Jello shots. Red, yellow, green.. every color in a rainbow.

The event page stated it would start at 9, but at 11 there were only 9 of us. Bummer. But then… people started coming. Armand and Nathan Gunawan surprisingly showed up. After that, people were just flowing in. The Watertown people, the Korean guys, Krucil boys, and a lot more.. even TB and his friend showed up. More or less 50 people came.

It was awesome.

Before it went down. My sister as Aphrodite.

Before it went down. With Agnes as Greek Goddess.

Before it went down. Flinstone and Queen of the 70sDira as a flapper girl. See the mummy at the back? hehe..

Getting some love from my dearest sister after blowing the candles

Anyone who didn't wear a costume must drink 2 shots

LONG LIVE GCT!
Look how cute Sam looked haha

Scott as one of my many victims

Tarun as my patient

Mitch didn't want to be my patient

Entertainment of the night: SAMAN! I have no idea who started it haha..

Aldo just being scary
Trick or Treat!

Rez was a Doctor but he looked more like Einstein

The Krusar: Wonder Woman, Bumble Bee and Princess Fiona

Surprise guests: Gunawan brothers.

Armand as pahlawan bertopeng?

And at last... best dressed guy and girl! Sam as Po and Lilian as Bjork haha

Thank you for everyone who came :)

Thank you for my sister who organized the whole thing, baked pumpkin cupcakes and bought me iPod Touch :)

Thank you Rani for helping us decorate and Agnes for baking your famous nipple cookies and for being seksi sibuk :)

Thank you Sam for making the playlist and just being so freaking cute haha :)

And thank you everyone for the birthday wish!

I love you all :))

Higher Primate Acts Like A Kitty Cat

2008-10-29T03:18:00.006-04:00

The term copycat was derived from kittens that learned how to act by imitating their mother’s behaviors. Since Sarah Orne Jewett’s coined the term in her novel in the late 1800s, copycat has been used as lack of originality derogatory remark.

In the meanwhile, plagiarism is the imitation of someone else’s thoughts, ideas or language and claimed as an individual’s own unique work. In rudimentary word: stealing. The term was derived from a Latin word meaning ‘kidnapper’.

So what would you call an anonymous stranger who makes a Facebook profile with the same exact ‘interests’ and ‘favorite quotations’ as yours?

A copycat or a plagiarist?

What makes it even more demeaning is that anonymous stranger takes another real person’s name and claims it as her own. An original thing about the whole profile may only be the pictures, which she may also steals from someone else’s profile.

What makes it even more undignified is that anonymous stranger takes action on her impersonation. She contacts, calls, messages, chats a close friend of yours as someone that she’s not. When it is obvious that she’s playing a role in her own non-existent production.

Let me ask you this: what kind of person with no real life would do that? Is she an unemployed malicious little girl who has all the time in the world to play around with her own and people’s lives like that? Is she a mentally disturbed person by nature or knocked her head on the floor when her mother dropped her from the crib? Is she suffering from a way below the axis confidence level that she imitates someone else’s pictures, profile and even name?

Go make use of your ability to form ideas and concepts not present to the senses and reality. If you’re a healthy schizophrenic that you manifest some auditory hallucinations and bizarre delusions, go get help or make a use of it. Don’t spend your life as the greatest gift from God in front of an electronic device trying to be someone else. John Nash could still produce a Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences despite his schizophrenic extreme imaginations and erratic behavior.

Oh. No. Wait. Behold. My bad. John Nash is a genius and you’re only an unemployed-malicious-little- girl/mentally-disturbed-person/below-the-axis-confidence-level-victim with no real life.

Shame on you,

You degrade yourself from being a higher primate to be a kitty cat.

You Are What You _____

2008-10-28T04:07:00.012-04:00

"Der Mensch ist, was er ißt."

Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach, a 19^th century German philosopher and anthropologist, once wrote in his essay titled Concerning Spiritualism and Materialism. It translates to ‘man is what he eats’.

We read and hear “you are what you eat” phrase often. Magazines, talk shows, diet books, friends, your parents.. The phrase implies that the food an individual eats has a bearing on what his/her state of mind and health. If you nourish your body with junk, your physical being feeds on junk. When your body feeds on little to no nutritional value food, it doesn’t get its essential nutrients in order to function at its best. Your mind and health deteriorates to function to the fullest.

I had an assignment for my History of Plymouth class about working with historical evidence. We had to examine a list of probates of deceased Plymouth colony individuals. Based on the possessions they had, we had to conclude what kind of lives they had.

When I read the assignment sheet, I instantly remembered a scene from The Nanny, which is a 1993-1999 situation comedy about a bubbly Jewish Queens native who becomes the nanny of 3 children from New York upper class. In the scene (I was remembering this roughly), the nanny takes the oldest girl, Maggie, grocery shopping. She says that Maggie can find a nice guy to date there but she has to inspect the items in the guy’s grocery cart.

The nanny says, “You can tell what kind of guy he is based on what he buys. Let’s see.. This guy is cute...” The nanny spotted a goodlooking guy and glances at his grocery cart, “No. Not him, he’s shabby.”

“How do you know?” asks Maggie.

“He has antifungal cream.”

You can tell what kind of person he/she is by items he/she possesses. Not only you are what you eat, but also you are what you possess. If you have a lot of tools, you might be a handyman. If you have a lot of drugs in your medicine cabinet, you might be a health freak. If you have a lot of girlfriends, you might be a womanizer.

Although the statement is true in some parts, I don’t entirely agree with the labeling. Especially when it comes to measuring wealth. A person who has an outdated Nokia communicator (yes, the one that looks like a brick) doesn’t mean he is an old-fashioned working class man. He might be a technology retard who can’t operate any other phone or he doesn’t see the need to purchase a new one when his good old phone still perform its duty. That piece of communication device is not an absolute measurement of wealth. He might be a billionaire in disguise.

Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller, Denmark's billionaire and shipping mogul, drove to work each day in a Volkswagen Touareg when he could literally blow x amount of cash on any car in the world. Amancio Ortega, Spain’s richest man and world’s 8^th richest man in 2007, refuses to wear a tie and only wears jeans modestly.

And have you ever heard of Nicolas Berggruen? This 46 year old German-Jewish immigrant is the founder of Berggren Holdings with estimated net worth of more than US$3 billion. He is known as the ‘homeless billionaire’. He lives at hotels, doesn’t own a car and gave most of his material possessions.

Nicolas Berggruen

In an interview he answers, “Everybody is different and I think that we live in a material world. But for me, possessing things is not that interesting. Living in a grand environment to show myself and others that I have wealth has zero appeal. Whatever I own is temporary, since we’re only here for a short period of time. It’s what we do and produce, it’s our actions, that will last forever. That’s real value.”

Ha! He just made my “Top 15 People I Admire” list. Possessions may match fortune, but it’s not the superior system of measuring wealth.

You don’t need to intentionally show off your Birkin, 90210 zipcode, Maybach, Patek Philippe, Christensen Custom 157, or Vertu to let people know how self-made (or inherited) wealthy you are. Pretentious display illustrates arrogance, insecurity or maybe even indebtedness. People who stay under the radar are usually the most loaded.

‘You are what you eat’ might as well be a definite statement.

But ‘you are what you possess’ and ‘you are what you wear’ are doubtful.

Tarikan

2008-10-24T22:22:00.008-04:00

Aku menarik kedua otot bibirku ketika hormon kebahagiaan menyapa,
Sepasang otot bibir lain menyinggungkan senyum geli melihatku.

Aku menarik ujung kedua selimutku ketika hantu muncul di layar kaca,
Sepasang tangan lain dibuka lebar untuk memeluk melindungi.

Aku menarik tetesan air mataku ketika bergulir turun ke pipi,
Sepasang mata lain pancarkan pandangan iba menenangkan jiwa raga.

Aku menarik nafas panjangku ketika ketengan datang ke realitas,
Sepasang paru-paru lain menghembuskan karbon dalam rasa kekhawatiran.

Coba kau disini,
Coba aku disana

Aku menarik kedua otot bibirku...
   ujung kedua selimutku...
   tetesan air mataku...
   nafas panjangku...

   karena kau menarikku ke sampingmu.

Capital

2008-10-23T01:08:00.019-04:00

It’s human nature when you think of capital, you think of Benjamins or SoekarnoHattas.

A well-rounded company encompasses not only capital in terms of tangible wealth, but also human capital and social capital.

Human capital has been recognized as essential asset to perform labor as to produce economic value within the company. Not everyone has parallel agreement with the idealism of social capital is equally important as physical and human capital. It has been important among not-for-profit, mission driven organizations not only to maintain tax exempt status, but also to encompass networks, relationship and shared meanings.

Since the entitlement of Muhammad Yunus Nobel prize award in 2006, social business has taken some spotlight on the crowded stage full of venture capitalists. An example of Yunus’ bank Grameen Bank as a model of social business, which give microcredit to the impoverished without requiring collateral.

Major for-profit businesses have their fair share of social accountability. Some might be superficial – giving charitable donations in front of rolling cameras to boost reputation. Sincerity is a profound aspect in social outreach, don’t broadcast about the good things you’ve done because it devalues them.

Think of Cinta Laura highly publicized infotainment story on how she is involved in the making of an educational institution in Bogor. Hey, it’s a very moral thing for her to do. Double thumbs up for her, but is it necessary to advertise her charitable act in front of the media? Being interviewed about this is what I did this is what I’ve done… especially that mother of hers. If you want to do the voluntary giving of help, just do it, keep it to yourself. The public will find out by themselves. When you intentionally reveal it like that, it devalues your good deed.

But then again.. it’s all comes down to human capital. When a commerce practice has an exceptional human capital, it generates more physical capital and through that capital, social accountability is sustainable.

“Business has to give people enriching, rewarding lives, or it’s simply not worth doing” – Richard Branson

Traveling Can Cure Ignorance

2008-10-18T05:03:00.009-04:00

So okay… I was looking for books at Barnes and Noble website - I spend a fortune on books lately :(. So far I got 1 book in my cart: How To Know God: The Soul’s Journey into the Mystery of Mysteries. I read synopsizes before I decide to get books online, but I’m particularly interested in reading the reviews. Just curious what other people think about the book.

People’s reviews about fiction books are basically criticizing the use of language, metaphors, characters bla bla bla… either they like/dislike the elements of writing, or love/loathe the story.

On the contrary, reading people’s reviews about religion books are more into either they agree/disagree with the information and facts given to them. Pro Islam (defending the stereotype, etc) or general knowledge about Islam or biography books have some people may give bad reviews because they just don’t agree with Islam.

Example: “For Mrs. Bhutto to blame the West for all the age-old and pernicious problems of her world is disingenuous and not helpful in ridding the world of this poisonous new Damocleian sword hanging over all our heads. The book is a tragic and misguided legacy to leave behind.”

It’s okay, everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. I just skip the bad reviews based on disagreement.

Then I came across this book: No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam. The book was written by an Iranian guy by birth and a doctoral student in history and religion at UC Santa Barbara. It’s a book about an introduction to Islam, carefully placing its message and ritual in historical context.

Then I saw one of the reviews. It came from a guy who calls himself “Islam is a pagan religion”.

A quote from his long review, “He did not got Jesus’s name right (Isa which is a mocking Jewish name used by the Jewish tribes of this area) nor he understood the concept of the Christian trinity.”

Hmmm… if you have only lived in the US for as long as you’ve been born, how do you know that ‘Jesus’ is a universal name for Jesus? How do you everybody else on this earth calls Jesus as ‘Jesus’ if you’ve never been educated in some other part of the world?

You might be right if “Isa is a mocking Jewish name used”, but why do you assumed it’s true in all parts of the world? I know Muslims Indonesians call Jesus as Nabi Isa since kindergarden.

Take the term “negro”. It’s considered as an ethnic slur here in the US, but it means ‘black’ in Spanish. Can you blame Spanish-speaking people when they refer an African American as ‘negro’ in their own language.

Go take a year off, buy airline tickets and travel the world because, “stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.” You need to see the world with your own eyes, not from what the media portrays it to you.

Orgasmic Escapades

2008-10-15T01:01:00.020-04:00

Ouch, how much I waste a chunk of time during my existence in this universe in front of television and Facebook.

I accompanied my aunt Tiara to attend 100 years – The Centennial of Harvard Business School last Monday. We went downstairs of the Spangler Center to the Coop store to buy some goodies for her kids. Meanwhile, I browsed around the books section. I found Richard Branson’s book Business Stripped Bare on the New York Times bestseller aisle. I already read Losing My Virginity and Business The Richard Branson Way. In addition to sharing his inside track on some of his greatest achievements, this book talks deeper about Virgin Mobile, Virgin USA, and Virgin Galactic, companies he doesn’t mention much in his previous books.

For those of you who don’t know, I idolize Branson like testorones go all gaga over Megan Fox. On the contrary, I go excessively infatuated over his determination, ambition, and experience. I grabbed one copy along with Boston Globe writer's book, Lucas Conley, titled Obsessive Branding Disorder. After dropping off my aunt at Harvard Square to meet her friend, I went straight home to read Branson’s book.

Orgasmic.

It’s been a while since I had a good business read. Hell, it’s been a while since I had any good read. So much information and knowledge learned just in one sitting (or lying down) of reading.

While taking a shower, I thought I have been watching too much TV and Facebook-ing (Some people sing in the shower, I contemplate in the shower). When I procrastinate or have nothing to do, I turn on my sexy black plasma, grab some munchies and curled up on the sofa watching crap TV. Another me moment is relaxing on my bed with my sexy MacBook Air looking at sexy pictures of my sexy friends on Facebook. These activities can last for hours. There are countless times when I multitask: FB-ing while I watch TV.

After reading 2 chapters, I felt ashamed for watching Paris Hilton’s My New Best Friend reality show and The Hills marathons. Stupid and useless - wasting my time watching airheads making fool out of themselves.

I’m not saying watching bad TV is all bad. Hey, watching dumb blonds having a catfight is entertaining too. I’m saying that I do it in excess. Too much. Life goes on while I spend a gazillion hours watching pointless TV shows. I could have stimulate my muscles in the gym or inspire and escape myself in books or write.

Branson’s book is an orgasmic entertainment and thought stimulator. It’s a wake up call that I have to start do something productive with my time.

Maru

Toxicity

2008-10-09T22:08:00.015-04:00

I drove on my way home today from Saks Fifth Avenue when System of a Down’s song Toxicity unexpectedly played on my iPod. This song reminds me of 94.6 UFM birth. Summer of 2001, I was in 9th grade. I dropped my summer class because I want to spend my whole summer ‘helping’ my dad to launch UFM. One of my jobs was to input songs into the database along with Gungun, Arie, Bintang, and I don’t remember who else.

My dad was still looking for an office place for the station, so we did our job at 5asec’s function room. Hundreds of Cds scattered around the tables, the sound of music busting out from the speaker non-stop… And somehow Toxicity was played quite frequently, maybe it was one of the guys’ favorite song. That’s why I relate the song with the birth of UFM.
While having a vivid memory of that event in the past, I paid attention to the lyrics (I even played it twice).

Conversion, software version 7.0,

Looking at life through the eyes of a tire hub,

Eating seeds as a past time activity,

The toxicity of our city, of our city,

New, what do you own the world?

How do you own disorder, disorder,

Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,

Sacred silence and sleep,

Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep,

Disorder, disorder, disorder.

More wood for their fires, loud neighbors,

Flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a truck,

Eating seeds as a past time activity,

The toxicity of our city, of our city

This song is trying to tell us something. From what my brain interpreted, it’s trying to tell us about how society has become disrupted.

How technology has degraded human interactions, “Conversion, software version 7.0.” How drugs are used to escape from all disorder of life, “Eating seeds as a past time activity.”

There are several kinds of toxic that can poison you: drugs, illegal substances, cigarettes, pollution, even procrastination and people.

Some toxic ruin your physical being, some ruin your moral being.
But the most toxic of all toxics there are in the worlds is people.

People can lead you to your glory or your doom.

If you mingle with wrong kinds of people when your soul is distorted and weak, they can influence you to destroy your innocence. That’s why the first thing to do for heavy drugs users who want to quit is to cut all ties with their druggy acquaintances.

I'm not saying it's all bad. Just don't let it ruin your opportunities in your life journey.

Mingling with any kind of people is great, everybody has a good side. Just make your mind body and soul strong, and maybe.. just maybe..

There will be less toxic in your city.

Shaskia's Trick or Treat event photo haha

Give it up to my sister, it's all her idea :D

You're Only You Once

2008-10-05T16:22:00.014-04:00

Thursday Night

*Ting

The elevator stopped on the 7^th floor. A girl with a purple dress and 4 inch black patent pumps let herself in. She flexed both ends of her mouth exposing her pearly white teeth at me as she went in, flaunting her genuine act of being nice. I could smell her perfume in the air as she fixed her newly styled hair (yes, I could tell).

*Ting

The elevator stopped on the lobby. I walked behind her and she held the glass door for me. Out at the front, her friends were waiting. The guys waited outside their black on black Cayanne dragging their dose of nicotine. The girls commented on each other’s one-piece garments, giggling in words I can’t understand.

I tried to find my path out from their crowd. Me dressed in leggings, flip-flops and a hoddie felt quite intimidated by their ready-to-go-out crowd. A clear Thursday night, what could I expect? Everyone was going out. I marched towards my friend’s apartment 2 blocks away. Again, out at the front I found a beautiful crowd ready to go out. All nicely dressed in sequins, leather jackets, and sky-high heels giggling in words I can’t understand.

Drop Dead Gorgeous

--------------------

Friday Afternoon

*Ting

The elevator stopped on the 2^nd floor. A gray haired woman with gray sweater passed by on an electric wheelchair. She flexed both ends of her wrinkled mouth exposing her missing teeth at us as she went by, flaunting her genuine act of being nice. I could sense the hospital smell in the air as her nurse followed her.

*Ting

The elevator stopped on the 4^th floor. I walked behind the group and the automatic door opened for us. In the room, more of them were waiting. The men ate their lunches with the help of the nurses. The women had intravenous therapy poles by their sides. A sight I don’t see much.

Here we were in the enhanced living facility in a nursing home an hour away from the big city, what could I expect? Everyone was surpassing the average life span of human beings, nearly the end of human life cycle. All old, sick and maybe lonely, a sight I don’t see much.

Drop Dead

-------------------

Human beings.

At any given time, at any given place.

When someone parties, someone else dies.

When someone gets married, someone else dies.

When someone is born, someone else dies.

Some are born in developed countries, in wealthy families, or in environments with limitless education and success opportunities.

Some are born in war zones or in families who must work their blood, sweat and tears just to get something to eat.

Human beings.

At any given time, at any given place.

When someone spends $2,500 on bottles of Cristal in one night, someone else receives $2,500/year for salary.

When someone’s parents witness their valedictorian son’s graduation from a prestigious university, someone else’s parents sell their organs in the black market so their children can have proper education.

When someone complains that his/her lips need surgery to add more oomph, someone else in poverty is born without legs.

Doesn’t matter how powerful you are, what luxury toys you have, where your holiday destinations are, how highly developed your brains are, or how drop dead gorgeous you are.....

Every single human being will drop dead one day.

When your life assets exceed your liabilities, use them to your advantage. Everybody has liabilities but there are far greater and sadder liabilities that unfortunate people have. It’s up to you to use your assets to improve your situation.

So when you’re still drop dead gorgeous, flex your both ends of your mouths and start do good for yourself and for others before you drop dead.

عيد مبارك

2008-09-30T18:16:00.010-04:00

السلام عليكم

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الله أكبر الله أكبر الله أكبر

لا إله إلا الله

الله أكبر الله أكبر

ولله الحمد

Dear all,

من العائدين والفائزين

HAPPY عيد الفطر

1429 H!!!

الحمد لله everything went smoothly.

I'm taking GMAT on عيد الفطر

I hope that goes well too since I'm taking on a day full of بركة

!!!!آمين

Loh?

2008-09-26T01:44:00.003-04:00

Orang mau lulus 2 bulan lagi lulus kok malah di hukum bukannya di kasih apresiasi.

What can i do to make you proud of me. Everything is just not enough.

I play hard, but I work hard too.

What's on the surface is just the play hard part, but please see the my hard work too.

I'm Worried Sick But Wish Me Luck!!!

2008-09-23T19:55:00.005-04:00

I had a complete panic attack this morning. I came to school early to print my MBA application forms. 8 pages long and I read the last page: Because of visa processing regulations, the Office of Graduate Admission must produce I-20 forms by July 20 for fall admission and October 15 for spring admission, Therefore, international students who need I-20 forms must submit completed applications and financial information by June 15 or October 1.

WHAT THE HELL? OCTOBER 1??!!!

I read the Graduate Booklet it’s November 1, but how come it’s October 1 online?! The terror was so severe that if my mind had lacrimation system it would shed tears. I thought what would I do if they won’t accept me?

Why I don’t want to apply to Boston University or Boston College or Northeastern or Bentley or Babson etc? I want to take MBA, not MA or MSA or MSF. They require minimal 2 years work experience post bachelor degree for prospective MBA students. And it takes 2 years to complete the program. I’m tired of school, why would I spend an extra year on school. On the other hand in Suffolk University, they count the work experience while I’m taking my bachelor degree. And if you have B+ or above in certain course during your undergraduate program, you can have some of your MBA core courses waived. I got 7 courses waived so I can finish within a year :D

So I’m completing my application forms tonight and I will submit whatever I have now tomorrow. That includes: application of admission, $50 fee, statement of professional goals, resume, passport copy. The rest later. I emailed the lady I visited past spring, the assistant director of MBA program, asking would it be okay if I submit the application by Oct 1 and other materials (GMAT, recommendation letter) a bit late. Cross my fingers it would be okay. And hey.. it’s not my fault that the booklet I got from the admission office states that the deadline is Nov 1!

Then I came home and found Simmons College School of Management booklet in the mail. I remembered I got an email from Princeton Review a week ago offering best entrepreneurship MBA programs. I requested Simmons College brochure since it’s located in Boston too. It says at the front, “The only MBA program in the US designed specifically to enhance career and leadership success for women”. As you know, Simmons is all girls institution. I got accepted there for my undergraduate but I figured hell no… all girls? No excitement man.. hehehe..

I opened the admission information page. Application deadline: Nov 3! For local and international students! I was going to apply to Suffolk only and the whole Oct 1 thing happened. I might as well apply to Simmons. Not bad, it’s recognized by Entrepreneur Magazine and Princeton Review. Also by Business Week as a model program. It also has one year accelerated program. Yay!

And maybe… just maybe.. if i go there, I would participate more in class since there is no drop dead gorgeous men. That equals to no salting-salingan hueheheh :D

But still.. I'm worried sick.. what would happen if I don't get accepted to both. My Singapore schools (Nanyang, INSEAD, NUS) Spring 2009 deadlines have all passed :'(

Human Interaction

2008-09-21T14:44:00.005-04:00

I went to PERMIAS annual welcoming BBQ last night. Huge turnout. I saw 100 confirmed guests on the event page. And I have to tell you.. maybe 60%-70% of the attendees were people I don’t know. We pretty much felt like outsiders :p

Huge crowd of freshman compared to the time I first came here. And they seemed to know each other pretty well before. Lucky. There were some new kids who go to Suffolk… maybe I should make Indonesian student association at Suffolk? Hehe..

I've started my semi private Spanish lesson with Olive every Monday and Wednesday now. We absolutely love it. We regret that we haven’t done this sooner. Dammit, if we had done this 3 years ago.. we’ll be eavesdropping those Latinos at school. I’m more excited to go to that lesson rather than my classes.

Anyway.. inspired by Nad’s post about BlackBerry, I might as well say something :) I agree that there is a major BB craze all around the world. My Boston and Jakarta friends have one.. even I have one. Haha… Well, I bought it because I needed the phone. I broke both my Iphone and Nokia E90 back in Jakarta. So when a friend said, “why don’t you get a BB?” I went straight into T-Mobile store and bought one not really knew what its features are. But then I had an AHA moment after I spent an hour learning how to use it. This is pretty cool… It has BB messenger and I can get my emails..

The next thing I knew, I put my PIN on my facebook profile and people started adding me. From my uncle to people I hardly talk to in years. I try as hard as I can not to be anti social because after all, BBs are anti social menaces. One of my pet peeves is people who allow their phones to kill their sense of good manners. Say you’re in a restaurant with one friend. He/she is busy with his/her phone while you’re sitting like an idiot not being able to make a regular conversation.

See the irony? Communication devices are created to bring people closer together. But at the same time, they diminish human interaction.

But still.. I love my BB :D

One Thing To Do Before I Die: Travel The World

2008-09-18T20:37:00.023-04:00

I Want To Be Just Like Leo Tolstoy

2008-09-18T20:37:00.020-04:00

I’d drop out of school, sell my belongings, pack just enough clothes, buy one way ticket to Lugano, and write for the rest of my life...

Leo Tolstoy, one of the greatest novelists, was regarded as reluctant student. He found school was useless and left his university. His early writings show a lot of questionings about rational and moral justification of life.

Ah! Rational and moral justification of life! Something that I can relate to! I see a lot of me in him. I’m more excited writing about predestination and election mumbojumbo rather than finishing my MBA application essay.

Some of prominent writers had tragic and/or eccentric lives. Say Vladimir Nabokov left for exile in western europe and his father was assassinated by Russian monarchists, Mark Twain who lost three of his four children and his wife, Scott Fitzgerald who was an alcoholic and died of a heart attack when he was only 44, or Chairil Anwar who died of syphilis as a result of his prostitute adventures.

But their works last years after they died, continue to be read and studied. Their lives weren’t so great, but their works and names are remembered and glorified.

It reminds me of a quote from the movie Troy, Achilles mother said, “If you stay in Larissa, you will find peace. You will find a wonderful woman, and you will have sons and daughters, who will have children. And they'll all love you and remember your name. But when your children are dead, and their children after them, your name will be forgotten. If you go to Troy, glory will be yours. They will write stories about your victories in thousands of years! And the world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy, you will never come back... for your glory walks hand-in-hand with your doom. And I shall never see you again.”

Would you rather have a peaceful life being an ordinary person or a disastrous life but your name is remembered even after you’re long gone?

"For your glory walks hand-in-hand with your doom..."

Tough choice.

The Thing That I'm Not

2008-09-14T14:24:00.008-04:00

I may seem living under Cyrenaics’ philosophy of “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” That I seek for pleasure in the sense of momentary physical satisfaction, but I’m not a hedonist who believes pleasure is the only good and pain is the only evil in life.

It’s such a superficial observation that I’ve been given an absolute morality for having lack of depth. Come on, my thoughts are functioning too. I’m not unintelligent, I finish school in time. No. Not in time. It’s faster than in time with satisfying grades. So I hate it when I’m being compared with someone else who never finishes school. I loathe school even though I have pleasing performance. It’s an institution that judges a book by its cover. You know, if you get good grades you’re smart, or if you talk a lot you’re knowledgeable. Hah based on my experience, the ones who talk a lot usually the most irresponsible and empty headed in group projects. Just because they talk (read: paraphrasing the professor or bringing up pointless points that just make the class leave late) a lot in class, the professor would think their intelligent level is above average.

I enjoy the knowledge, listening to things I don’t know before. Listening to case studies in business classes and fascinating facts in elective classes. But when it comes to class expectations or things that I already know or things I don’t find fascinating or things that I don’t agree with.. Duh uh.. I just slack off as my act of rebel.

I should have taken literature or philosophy major. I like to write and to think. I think too much. I think more than I act. Oh no! I just realize that I’m turning into Hamlet who is a man of thought not action. Oh my God.. I AM Hamlet! Overanalyzing things to the point where I’m drowning into my own thoughts and the action is left out. This I have to change.

My point is.. I need unconditional positive regard and acceptance so I can get the best condition for my personal growth. Not comparison. Because I’m still figuring out who I am. I haven’t reached that self-realization state yet where I’m aware of my nature and talents, and how to develop them to reach potential to the fullest. Istilahnya mencari jati diri :)

I may like to party but I’m not shallow. And it’ll grow out of me eventually.

Idle Hands Are The Devil's Playground

2008-09-11T12:18:00.008-04:00

I'm back... my blog was closed for a little while because... hmm.. Let me just say.. Politics is dirty hehe...

Anyway, here i am back in Boston adjusting my mind and body back to reality. I’m only taking 3 classes because I only have 11 credits left before getting my BSBA degree. One is a required course of MGT 419 (Senior Capstone Project), and the other two are my free elective courses: History of Modern Iran and History of Plymouth.

The history classes are boring.. But it's kind of interesting to take both Iran and Plymouth at the same time. As you know, Iran = Islamic Republic while Plymouth Colony = Puritans. Aha… Both have theocratic aspects in quite similar ways under different principles. Iran is theo-democracy under Islamic clergy while Puritan was theocracy under Calvinism. It really is interesting to hear people debating about the Iran's nuclear program whether or not its intention is military, and what really is the objective of the West making a big deal out of Iran when there is no nuclear plant.

Also hearing about Puritanism, Calvinism, and predestination & election doctrine remind me of Arthur Miller's The Crucible, my favorite IB Higher English play. haha... I’m such a geek. I should go to Salem this Halloween. I’ve always been fascinated with the whole English settlement stories. From Pocahontas’ John Smith to 17th century witchcraft scares. It’s such a shame that I live in Boston but I had never really got to explore New England.

My classes are only Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to do in my free days. I took a premature decision to only have 2 class days in a week, it's sooooo boringgg... Last night after buka puasa, my sis and me saw a kickboxing place just one block from our apartment. I thought, interesting.. a way to kill time and shape our buns hehe.. Then I was thinking about joining a private class so I won't make a fool of myself for having rudimentary skills. Mimir came over (he moved to 91 Sydney, a block away from my building. still under the same management.) to borrow some DVDs and I asked if he’s interested in joining us. He looked interested so let’s see.. If neither my sis or Mimir wants to join me, oh well I’ll go by myself.

I really need to find some positive activities to occupy my time. Because after all, “Idle hands are the Devil’s playground.”

Desperado

2008-08-30T06:29:00.004-04:00

My last weekend in Jakarta before I go back to Boston next tuesday :(

sebenernya gua gak pengen balik.. balik lagi ke nonton dvd sendirian seharian, masuk kelas sama bule2 sok asik sok gaul yang ngomongnya kebanyakan 'umm' sama 'like', NGANTRI yang super panjang dan lama di rumor sampe bouncernya pengen di gampar2in mana tutupnya jam 2 lagi! menggigil kedinginan bawa belajaan berat dari mobil ke atas, jalan kaki ketiup2 angin dari parkiran ke gedung kuliah, mau makan enak cuman shabu zen doang...

aku ingin pindah ke jakarta, tapi mobil dari boston di bawa hehehe

aku sedih :'( aku ingin ada yang menemani..

Ini foto2 Darwis waktu itu.. yang lainnya ada di facebook albumku.

...

ku ingin menangis

2008-08-26T13:03:00.001-04:00

Para burung migrasi ke selatan ketika musim dingin tiba untuk mencari kehangatan. Atau dengan kata lain mencari kenyamanan. Mereka berpindah karena situasi dan kondisi lingkungannya sudah tidak nyaman lagi. Dan akan kembali ketika suasana dan tingkat kenyamanan sudah membaik.

Coba aku bisa terbang melayang tinggi seperti burung mencari kehangatan setiap waktu aku merasa tidak nyaman akan lingkungan tempatku hidup.

Dan kembali lagi ketika kumerasa tingkat kenyamanan sudah membaik.

It Wasn't My Own Will

2008-08-24T08:40:00.008-04:00

My 1st Birthday Party when I was 1 yr old with my mama...

More down the memory lane pictures..

Me and Opa in Bogor...

Me and Nenek Anang di Cinere :)

Home Sweet Home

2008-08-21T02:39:00.010-04:00

Since I moved to Boston in 2005, this is by far the finest holiday back in Jakarta. Boredom is unavoidable, but it doesn’t last long when it happens.

Why would I say that? Maybe it’s the intoxicating nights, new people & conversations, family reunions, unexpected excitement, good food, new projects, and unlimited financial support heheh…

It makes me wonder… I can do more good (and/or sin) if I move somewhere closer to home... I can make my imaginary retail company a reality and join HIPMI while I can still take my MBA degree and socialize (read: party) around.

I finish my BSBA this December and what can be more perfect than… moving to Singapore!! Hehe… (Liph, kar, jangan khawatir dulu… ini hanya daydreaming hehehe). I have three schools in mind (Nanyang, NUS, INSEAD) and I checked out their January 2009 MBA admission. Too bad, it’s too late!!

So I have two options. One is to take a spring semester in Boston then transfer to Singapore for the fall semester. Two is to stay in Boston. But if I don’t get accepted in Suffolk MBA program, I don’t know what I’d do coz I’ll only apply to one school.

Oh well, I’ll just let it flow.

Just like George Moore once said, “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

Mau sekolah atau berobat gratis?? COBLOS NO.1!!!!!!!!!!! Ini after live open debate di TV One, seru banget nontonnya. Mau cabut ke palembang lagi mungkin buat nonton debat selanjutnnya lagi tgl 29 di Metro TV. Hayo Wa Alex dan Pak Rizal!!

I forgot to mention, I extend my stay in Jakarta :D

Schedule

2008-08-05T14:02:00.006-04:00

Tues, Aug 12th - GMAT Test (semoga dengan belajar sehari semalam lumayan bisa melewati average score hehehehe)

Wed, Aug 13th - Darwis photo session (yang lucu pake baju apa aja ya? Konsepnya aja gak tau apaan... Harus belanja seblom hari H nih!)

Sun, Aug 17th - Palembang

Let's go out this Friday.... Come on people...

Ingin Belajar Mensyukuri

2008-08-02T13:59:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I wish I was smarter, prettier, skinnier, wealthier, taller and other worldly things. Or I wish I had more friends or being famous. But when it comes to swapping places with someone I envy, I would rather just be myself.

Sunshine

2008-07-31T06:54:00.010-04:00

Bali was fun… I was out every night under the supervision of 2 bodyguards aka my cousins hehehe… several funny stories... I shopped like a mad woman… Thank God I brought the huge luggage. I was reunited with my sister + cousins (Ponti, Dila, Ifad) and si perempuan kecil aka Gaya. Also spent time hanging out with some Boston people like Mich and The Krucils (Agnes, Sari, Rani).

Now back in Jakarta I hope I’m not gonna get bored to hell since everyone is having internships Mon-Frid. Since my dad wants me to go to Palembang on August 18th to see my uncle’s Debat Terbuka for the South Sumatra Governor Campaign (Go Alex Noerdin!), the original flight back to Boston for August 5th has been moved back to August 25th. But it's still tentative. If I'm bored to hell and miss buwbuw so much, I'll move up the departure date.

Womanizer Wannabe

2008-07-26T09:01:00.006-04:00

Lelaki bertampang minim tapi berdompet tebal melihat wanita hanya sebagai objek itu banyak. Tapi saya paling benci lihat cowo bertampang minim tapi berdompet tebal yang sok-sok melihat wanita hanya sebagai objek. Sok playboy, sok cewe yang ini ok yang itu jelek, sok udah pernah sama si ini itu, sok banyak yang ngejar-ngejar, sok hari ini pergi sama yang ini besok sama yang itu, padahal isinya ngomong doang kebanyakan gaya. Sok jadi womanizer padahal keliatannya jadi seperti womanizer wannabe.

Sementara, womanizer sejati itu gak pake ngomong gede seperti orang kaya beneran itu gak pake ngomong tapi tau dari orang lain. Heran, umur udah kepala 2 tapi omongan kayak baru masuk SMA gak pernah lihat cewe.

Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!!!! Semoga tambah bahagia, sehat selalu, dan sukses!!!!!!!!

I’m going to Bali tomorrow morning until Thursday. I’m going with my sister and 3 of my cousins :)

Minor Eye Surgery

2008-07-18T02:03:00.002-04:00

I’m in Jakarta and had an unexpected first day experience. Each time I arrived at Jakarta for holiday since I went abroad for college, I’ve always went out hanging out and partying the first night. This is the first time I stayed at home. Thanks to my poor eye! Hehehe…

So yesterday afternoon, I decided to check my still swollen left eye to RSPI eye clinic just to get a second opinion on why the swelling hadn’t yet reduced. I went there for a 4 o’clock appointment and was out at 4.30 with a bandage across my left face!

I went into the Doctor’s consultation room and was briefly checked. The Doctor said,
“Wah kamu harus di silet”.
“Hah?”
“Iya, di operasi kecil. Bius lokal kok.”
“Emang gak bakal ilang dengan sendirinya?”
“Makin lama malah ntar makin besar kalo di diemin. Harus di buang”
“Sakit gak?”
“Ya kayak operasi gigi… pernah operasi gigi gak? Ntar saya balik kelopak matanya, terus disilet dari dalem”

Huaaa… I was dragged to another room, signed a statement form, and lied on the patient bed. I believed that the swollen gland had to be taken out because when I went to an emergency room back in Boston last week, the Doctor said, “If your eye is still swollen in a week, you have to have it taken out. I’ll give you the phone number you have to call to make the appointment”

Besides the pain, the other thing I worry about was how long would the post opt swelling last for. The Doctor said 3 days, the latest is 5 days and the soonest is 2 days. Owhhhh my weekend plans are destroyed!!! But I figured, the sooner I get this eye problem taken care for, the better.

I lied and saw the Doctor holding an injection needle. I closed my eye and felt the pain being injected on my eyelid. The nurse said the worst part was over. We waited for about 2 minutes, and the Doctor took my eyelid inside out. Then the Doctor made an incision and took the gland out. I thought I could only feel it, not feel the pain, but it was painful!!!! I freaked out, the worst part was over my ass! The whole thing lasted for about 10 minutes. Then I was bandaged. Imagine how foolish I looked having a bandage across my left face with glasses on. I looked like half a mummy with glasses. After I got bandaged, I could feel a stinging pain across my left eye.

I went home, swallowed 2 antibiotics and went to sleep at 6 o’clock. Here I am now awake desperately wanting to have a cigarette but can’t (I don’t want to smoke to speed up the healing). I look like a domestic abuse victim with a swollen and bluish-purplish eye. I took pictures of my beat up eye, but they're for my personal collection only hehe...

I made plans with Steffy and Olive for tonight, but if things don’t get much improvement later, I have to cancel it and change it for another day. I hope the swelling will be gone tomorrow… aaamien…

Permit

2008-07-03T10:25:00.009-04:00

I just got my class D learner's permit and booked the road test for wednesday. when the registrar asked me yesterday to show my foreign license, i showed her my oldest indonesian license that i got when i was 16 (i have 3 valid indonesian licenses each with different birth year so i could go out here when i was underage hehehe). the lady said, "oh you've been driving for 5 years, u'll pass the test. good luck!" then i failed hahaha... embarrassing. i failed the knowledge test yesterday since everyone i asked said it asks logical questions like who has the right-of-way in an intersection, what to do when a school bus flashes its stop sign, the 3 seconds distance rule, etc. so i didn't really prepare.

but what i encountered on the test was quite hard! it asked questions like what is the 1st offense penalty for junior operators if they got caught driving between 12am-5am, low beam headlights allow you to see how many feet ahead, what is the 2nd offense penalty for drag racers, etc. how do i suppose to know! i got 7 wrong answers from 20 questions, while the passing score must be 14 questions right.

so i went back home, downloaded the MA driver's manual and read it from top to bottom. i passed today with 1 wrong answer. i'v been living here for 3 years and haven't got the MA license. if my car insurance didn't call to inform me about a new regulation that i have get MA license in order to keep my car insurance by july 17, i would never get the license hehehe...

i have to use my sister's car because the vehicle requirement states that the car must be designed to let the examiner make an emergency stop using the center console. or in other words, a car that has a center console emergency brake that looks like a stick that the examiner can pull. in the meanwhile, range rover does have a center console emergency brake, but it's not the stick one. the other requirement is that it has to have a current inspection sticker. i have to take my sister's car to the dealer on monday to get the new sticker because it's expired a month ago, ooopsss hehehe...

i think im a good and skilled driver, but i do get nervous if my driving skills being watched and judged by an examiner, scared to screw up. just like the way i tense up when i drive while my dad is in the car hehe.. sooo... wish me luck on the road test this wednesday.

Life is not fair

2008-06-30T22:32:00.009-04:00

One of the most prominent words of wisdom from my parents might be “life is not fair”. Cliché. At an early age, I complained to my parents that life isn’t fair followed by a response of Bill Gates’ quote, “Life is not fair, get used to it.”

Life is not fair…

When someone less deserving gets what I deserve. Or my eye got corneal ulcer. When an unidentified punk made a U-shaped scratch on my car hood. When the bouncers opens the velvet rope as soon they see tall skinny latin girls or underage wealthy arab guys eventhough they don’t have table/guestlist/proper ID. When a professor accused me for plagiarizing my paper maybe because I’m Asian and don’t talk too much in class. When I travel on british airways economy while my sister got to travel on the new 4 seats a row SQ direct flight this summer.

There’s a quote I found, “You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe” – ‘Marcus’, Babylon 5.

First thing first, I have to grow my self-esteem. “Orang laen kepedean, sementara kamu gak ada pedenya sama sekali,” a statement once said to me.

Ordinary or less than average people can be extraordinary because of high self esteem. Extra ordinary people can be super extra ordinary with high self-esteem. In any aspect: popularity, education, wealth, outside beauty, intelligence, success, etc. Just draw a fine line between high self esteem and egotism.

This low self portrait might has developed through being feeling judged. Being in a society where people gossip, overrating/underrating others, pointing lack of admirable characteristics/physical appearance, might have left one’s afraid to be judged. Afraid to stand out or at least appreciate oneself that he/she is worthy because society might think otherwise.

Another disease that makes it worse is comparing oneself to others (my disease). Yea yea, I know everyone has their own gift but I remember when I was in elementary school, my friends used to ask me, “ Would you rather be beautiful but stupid or smart but ugly?” As innocent souls who haven’t been introduced to the hardship of life and think that being brainy guarantees success, we would say, “smart but ugly!”

Another question would be, “Would you rather be rich but stupid or smart but poor?” Years ago, we believe that it’s impossible to have everything in life. If someone is smart and rich, he/she must be ugly. If someone is beautiful, he/she must either be stupid or less than wealthy. Today, that view has changed. People can be wealthy, beautiful and smart at the same time (but might not be happy).

After reflecting, a low self-esteem me actually have been blessed by a pretty lucky life. The universe might be treating me with unfairness at times, but after all I have notable assets: health, loving & supportive family, education, & opportunity. I have to focus more on my assets than my liabilities. Through MY self-achievements someday I hope I can too become smart, wealthy, beautiful at the same time (besides, everyone can be beautiful when they’re wealthy), and let’s not forget happiness and peace of mind.

Life is not fair, I’ll get used to it. I just have to stop talking and start doing.

I’ll try.

listening

2008-06-25T03:51:00.004-04:00

i need someone who listens. someone who doesn't preach. only listens.
no judgement, no discernment, no defensiveness.
only listens.

The good listener tries to understand what I am saying. He/she may silently disagree with what I said, but after all just like Tillich once said,"The first duty of love is to listen", i would feel genuinely listened to and cared for.

then i can sleep like a baby again.

YAY CELTICS!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-17T23:41:00.003-04:00

1st championship since 1986! Boston Celtics is champion again!!!
June 17th for 17th championship!!!!
wooohoooo!!!!!!

Greatest comeback in NBA history!!!!!!

Lakers were crushed!!!! 131-92!!!!!!! blowout 39 point victory!!
Teriak2 sendiri gitu gua nonton dari tadi hehehe..

Tinggal tunggu parade nya on the duck boats around boston deh..
Makin cinta ama boston :D

Kesenjangan Sosial

2008-06-16T01:27:00.002-04:00

When world population increases while technology improves, the gap between the rich and the poor lengthened.

Improved technology leads into needing less people to work in the manufacturing industry. It may even replace accountants when computers can do all the thinking. It may even replace cashiers or nurses when robots can do all the work.

The world is overpopulated while there are fewer jobs available. What would the world turn into…

I want my papa and my mama

2008-06-07T21:30:00.011-04:00

this summer has been unproductive and boring. its only... summer classes, then GMAT classes, then home, working out... and shabuzen (3 times a week, how embarrassing)

its nice and HOT today! 87 F!! i took a cold shower and turned on the AC to 60 F wen i was getting dressed.

we had our little bbq fiesta at sam's apartment. the food was good and it was freaking hot outside. my face was red like a boiled lobster, and the sun gave me uneven tan throughout my body.

first, i was excited looking after the food on the grill. minutes later i was just sitting under the shades waiting for my food. this is my view of people cooking while i sat down.

im exhausted and looking forward to just relax and watch on demand movies til dawn. i slept at 7 am these days. insomnia attack?

i want a haircut. i want to keep it long, but i want something more stylish, more layered. no bangs. i hate having bangs. it makes me look like a kindergarden kid. the blunt bangs, the side swept bangs, the choppy bangs, or watever is trendy now. it takes a long time to grow, it's in my face. it makes my head looking like all hair, and i like to have a sleek pony tail once in a while. i want the victoria's secret angels' hair..

anyway... does any jakarta people interested in buying victoria's secret stuff from me?

Outer Space

2008-06-04T03:52:00.004-04:00

I was brought into the state of awareness at 11.30 yesterday morning. As I waited for my cajun chicken to heat up in the oven, I turned on the tv and found “Contact” was playing on Encore. It was halfway through and I was drawn into the movie. I remembered that I’ve watched this movie long time ago. It was released at 1997 and I was about 10 at that time.

The story is basically about an astronomer, Eleanor Arroway (Jodie Foster), who discovers an intelligent signal broadcast from outer space. After being able to translate the message and find instructions for building a transportation machine, senate hearings are held to choose the single passenger of the transport. Eleanor Arroway is a woman of science who needs scientific explanation for any assumptions while Palmer Joss (Matthew McConaughey) has faith in God in searching for truth. Eleanor needs proof and Palmer needs faith.

During the senate hearing, Eleanor is asked questions by Palmer if she believes in God. While she doesn’t directly answer by a simple ‘no’, she implies that she doesn’t believe in God by saying that she is a scientist. She questions the relevancy of the question, and another judge says 95% of the world population believes in God, and an earth representative should stand for the belief of the majority of the earth residents. Palmer doesn’t want to vote for Eleanor because he just can barely think about sending someone who thinks the rest of the world is delusional.

Eleanor goes on her journey to Vega through a time space wormhole using the transport. She meets with the alien who looks like her dead father. They talk for a while, Eleanor asking questions and the alien answering them. And Eleanor is brought back home to Earth 18 hours later. People tell her no time has passed on earth and she didn’t go to Vega. Officials think she’s delusional.

This is when she is faced with the change of belief. In the hearing, she is attacked by series of questions, asking about her claim of traveling to Vega. She answers, “I had an experience. I can’t prove it. I can’t even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real. I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever.” AHA! Now she wants to tell the rest of the world about her experience but she cant because she has no proof! So not everything needs proof.

This reminds me to another quote from “The Polar Express” that says, “Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.”

What makes “Contact” interesting is the script that looks at subjects of science vs religion and the universe. The movie brought me to think about the universe. I’ve always been fascinated by the universe, aliens, and the whole “why are we here for” questions.

I’ve always wanted to go to the outer space. I want to view the source of everything it means to be human, planet earth, from space. I want to feel the silence of space. I want to feel how tiny, how insignificant human beings are in the universe. Then I want to go back to earth and view the world and life differently. After I can make a living of my own and ‘find‘ a spare $200,000, I would book myself a Virgin Galactic seat for a 6 minutes weightlessness experience suborbital flight. This is another reason why I love, love, love Richard Branson. I’ll dedicate another post talking about him and his new venture Virgin Fuel.

Based on my fascination of the universe and the belief that space research can bring benefit to human race in the future, if I became filthy rich in the future (aaamien!), mark my words, I will support space research and space technology funding.

bokek lagi gara2 skin rejuvenation

2008-05-26T15:29:00.005-04:00

I’m broke. Thank god it’s almost june. It’s my mom’s birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!

I wanted to fedex the gift I made her, but because im broke, I’ll just have to wait til the money gets in or bring it with me when I go home. Speaking of going home, there is a possibility that I might go back this july.

Initially, there was no plan of going home to Jakarta this summer. I’ve been going back every semester and I wanted to stay here for a full year. Plus, I don’t want to deal with the whole mess in Jakarta (traffic, clutter, boredom, etc). But Big Boss alias Mr. Joes Noerdin alias my dear papa is urging me to go back since i haven't got any internship offer this summer. And there’s a possibility of doing LASIK (my mom’s idea). The only thing that makes me want to go home is LASIK. And other treatments too (dentist, dermatologist, mesotheraphy, etc). I won’t have to pay for those treatments myself.

Things I want to do if I go home:
1. LASIK
2. Mesotheraphy
3. Blood test
4. Dermatologist
5. Dentist
6. Haircut
7. Photo session
8. Go to Palembang and see my uncle’s Governor campaign (GO Alex Noerdin!!!)
9. Beg my parents to let me do something that would make my life complete and my soul confident
10. SHOPPING

There is no more NY-Singapore SQ direct flight this june. So my top choice is british airways since it’s boston-london-singapore-jkt. I won’t take the indirect SQ flight (boston-NY-Frankfurt-Singapore-Jakarta) or I’ll die of boredom and tiredness from having 3 transits. And if I go back to boston with british airways, it goes straight to boston from London. Unlike SQ or cathay, there’s no need to hassle the baggage through custom and get ready to fly again.

I hate it when I order tickets from here. Either the travel agent is stupid or the service is not as good, why the hell I can’t book the seats? It’s okay if I travel with a friend or two. But when I travel alone and I can’t book the seats, I’ll just pop a couple of sleeping pills if I get the middle seat for 18 hours flight. Yes, it happened before. I got a middle seat for SQ NY-Frankfurt-Singapore flight.

I wonder why I didn’t get roundtrip ticket from Jakarta from the first place. It’s not like the return ticket would expire because I’m going home EVERY semester. Now, I have to look for the tickets myself while my sister just has to say when she wants to go home to my dad’s secretary.

Oh well, I’ll just stay in jakarta for 2-3 weeks (IF I even bother to look for the tickets)

Ritual Mengangkat Jiwa

2008-05-22T20:58:00.001-04:00

Ketika manusia dilanda kesedihan atau bencana, setiap individu punya ritual yang dilakukan untuk mengangkat kembali jiwa yang jatuh.

Ada yang menangis sampai tertidur agar semua emosi terpendam keluar. Ada yang berendam air hangat penuh dengan busa agar otot dan pikiran jadi rileks. Ada yang juga pergi mabuk-mabukan ditemani musik memekan telinga agar masalah terpulakan untuk sementara.

Di film “Fight Club”, tokoh yang Edward Norton (one of my favorite actors) perankan punya penyakit insomnia di awal film. Hidupnya tersiksa, berbulan-bulan hidup seperti zombie karena gak bisa tidur. Sampai akhirnya ia datang ke dokter untuk minta obat tidur. Si dokter gak mau ngasih karena menurutnya dengan banyak olah raga dan mengurangi stress adalah obat insomnia. Kesal karena gak dikasih obat, Norton dengan memelas berkata, “I’m in pain! I’m in pain!” Si Dokter berbalik dan berkata kira-kira seperti ini, “You’re in pain? Go to support group seminar. Then you can see real pain.”

Norton datang ke support group seminar untuk orang-orang dengan penyakit testicular cancer dimana mereka mencurahkan isi hatinya. Ada yang ditinggal istrinya, ada yang anak-anaknya memutuskan tali keluarga, dll. Mereka saling menangis berpelukan. Norton yang hanya pura-pura punya cancer pun ikut menangis. Malam itu, ia tidur nyenyak seperti bayi. Alhasil Norton ketagihan ke berbagai support group tiap minggunya untuk mendengar penderitaan orang lain, dan ikut menangis. Norton menemukan ritual melepas stress untuk mengobati insomnianya.

Dan gua teringat bahwa gua sebenernya juga punya ritual yang gua lakukan so I would feel good about myself, bahwa hidup gua tidak seburuk yang gua kira, bahwa hidup gua beruntung dan bahagia.

Tiap minggu, gua dapet kiriman majalah Femina (langganan di kirim dari New York). Dan setiap kali majalah itu datang, gua cari posisi enak di atas tempat tidur dan langsung buka halaman rubrik “Dari Hati ke Hati”. Pembaca mengirim surat mengenai masalah mereka, dan dipublikasikan berikut respon dari kak irma dan monty. Ada yang tiba-tiba suaminya selingkuh, ada yang suaminya abusive, ada yang suaminya adiknya dan bapaknya meninggal dalam 2 kurun waktu 2 bulan, dan masalah-masalah lainnya.

Kalau baca itu, gua merasa kasihan sama mereka tapi dalam waktu bersamaan gua yang ‘alhamdullilah hal itu gak terjadi ama gua’. Klise, tapi membiasakan diri ‘melihat ke bawah’ daripada ‘melihat ke atas’ bisa menyegarkan jiwa.

Itulah ritual mengangkat jiwa gua selain shopping sampe dompet tipis hehehe…

summer classes start today

2008-05-13T04:28:00.021-04:00

i'm back in boston!!!! it was fun, hot and exciting :D
can you imagine being in the 90s F everyday for 10 days in arizona, then suddenly back to boston it's 40s F? dammit. it's May and people are still wearing long coats. unbelievable.

summer classes start today. im taking 2 classes on tuesday and thursday.
then on may 28th i start my GMAT class at MIT.

so here are the pictures. it was fun to have my sister with me ;) we shopped like crazy. koper sampe hehehe... aduh aduh bokek deh padahal baru tengah bulan.

kita sempet bikin boneka di build-a-bear waktu nunggu nge-engrave kado ulang taun buat bokapnya randy. tadi nya sempet gak mau masuk karena isinya anak kecil semua. akhirnya kita bertiga masuk langsung menggila deh. si ade bikin yang bunny rabbit, gua bikin yang teddy bear. punya gua, gua kasih heartbeat jadi kalo dadanya di teken kerasa dag dig dug. yang seru bukan pas bikin bonekanya. seru pas beli bajunya. yang tadinya cuman mau beli 1 baju sampe beli seluruh wardrobe. dari piyama sampe baju basket sampe baju gaya. lucu-lucu banget! belom aksesorisnya yang kita borong. sempet mau beli tempat tidur nya tapi out of stock. sempet mau beli car seat nya juga hehehe... tapi karena sadar bahwa kita seorang abis 100 dollar buat boneka dan baju2 dan aksesorisnya, gak jadi beli car seatnya deh hehehe... kalo gak di stop bisa2 satu toko kita beli semua tuh. punya boneka aja udah menggila mau didandanin bgitu, gimana kalo punya anak ya? hehehe...

kita juga sempet stop di pet shop di scottsdale ada puppy sale! gua ama ade jatuh cinta sama satu puppy lucu banget jenis bichomo. campuran american eskimo dan bichon frise. kita sempet maen-maen sama dia. pertama dia gemetaran ketakutan, tapi lama lompat-lompat. lucu bangettt bulunya tebel, putih, gendut, mukanya kayak beruang. mirip kayak baby beruang eskimo. murah lagi cuman 799 dollar. kalo di pet shop yang di mall bisa sampe ribuan. tapi karena apartment kita berengsek cuman boleh pelihara kucing, dengan sedihnya kita say bye bye dulu sama puppy itu :'(

terus ini party nya rama ke 21. ramai dan seru juga...

gua jetlag nih. walaupun bedanya cuman 3 jam. we took red eye flight from phoenix dan gua gak tidur sama sekali. alhasil sampe boston sorenya tidur sampe jam 11 malem, dan skarang masih melek.

Spring 2008 DONE

2008-05-03T13:58:00.003-04:00

wahooo!!! yay, im done with spring semester!!!! only one of the grades posted as for now. I got an A for my entrepreneurship Starting New Venture class.

im in arizona. i got here last night, wich took me 15 hours to get here from boston. both boston-newark and newark-phoenix flights were delayed for hours. they said that the FAA declared there were too many air traffic. so i missed my connection flight in newark. but thank god i got into the next flight, wich was delayed as well. ck ck ck ck... i was soooo pissed at the FAA for not planning in advance so there wouldnt be too many air traffic up there.

my sister is flying here on wednesday to join me. then back to boston on the 11th for summer session I classes.

Lebih seru kalo live

2008-04-29T01:27:00.017-04:00

3 exams on thursday then IM FREE!!!!!!!!!!

aduh, sebel nih. account savings yang udah gua save dari bulan december ama account checking gua ludes gara2 dokter gigi, dokter kulit, dokter mata. pake acara sakit mata sih ah. padahal isinya udah menumpuk banyak bisa buat beli macem2, jalan2 ke hawai dan london pas summer. pertama savingsnya yang ke makan, lama2 checkingnya yang ke makan. ihiks. argh. sialan.

tau gini, gak ke dokter-dokter itu in the first place.

enakan pulang ke jakarta buat ngeberesin gigi, kulit ama mata gua ya biar gak bokek kayak bgini.

Btw, Go Celtics, Go Suns!

itsy bitsy

2008-04-21T18:08:00.008-04:00

its astonishing how an itsy bitsy tiny annoying thing can ruin your already perfect day

"The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person still gonna think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." -Juno's Dad

terkesima dengan artikel majalah

2008-04-18T18:11:00.005-04:00

kalau misalnya, misalnya, ada option bunuh diri,
metode apa yang akan kamu lakukan?

gantung diri? slow and painful death
tembak diri? matinya gak cantik, kepalanya bolong berdarah2
lukain pergelangan tangan? ih ngilu
minum racun? ntar kayak di film2 gitu, ohek2 ohek gitu
apa minum alkohol sebanyak2nya sampe kalo darahnya di rasain ada rasa alkohol saking tinggi kadar alkohol dalam darah. tapi mati gak tuh

katanya ada website suicide support center gitu. ngebahas metode apa yang terbaik, pro dan con-nya, dan saling mensupport bahwa 'you can do it'.

gua baru baca majalah marie claire apa cosmo apa glamour gitu ada artikel ttg orang2 yang commit suicide. 2 dari 3 profile orang2nya, gak keliatan sama skali bahwa suicidal. keliatannya baik2 aja, walaupun ternyata nyimpen depresi berat. yang di depresiin juga gak jelas apaan.

ada juga yang bilang bahwa depresi di pengaruhin sama hormon. misalnya ada 2 orang berbeda ngadepin satu masalah yang sama. yang satu ngerasa biasa aja, yang satu lagi bisa jadi depresi berat. dan misalnya orang yang depresi berat itu mutusin untuk bunuh diri, apakah dia salah? dia terlahir punya hormon seperti itu, apa dia salah? apalagi kalo misalnya dia itu orang kurang mampu, yang gak bisa bayar psikiater, bayar anti depressant pills. apa dia salah?

hanya Tuhan yang bisa nge judge

hobi baru

2008-04-13T23:08:00.009-04:00

i have a new hobby... jewelry making!!

gua waktu itu ikut les bikin bracelet ama ade gua di harvard square. sebenernya itu tempat jualan beads dan alat2 bikin jewelry. tapi tempatnya ada kelas2 bikin jewelry. banyak macemnya & menarik semua. dari stringing technique sampe cara bikin chain maille earings sampe beadworks party. minggu depan gua mau ikut yang bikin charm necklace. jadi keterusan deh :)

saking interested dan senengnya, gua sampe emailin headquaternya tempat itu. nanya possibility untuk jadi franchisee buat buka di indonesia. kan lucu juga tuh, bisa bikin beadworks party buat ibu2 arisan gitu. pasti rame tuh. apalagi kalo misalnya gedung bokap gua yang di kemang udah jadi, gua bisa minta satu space buat tempat itu.

lagian gak tau kenapa pas pertama kali gua masuk tempat itu, feeling gua kayak 'deg' gitu. kayak suatu saat nanti gua akan terjadi sesuatu dengan tempat ini. gak ngerti ya? yah pokoknya im a strong believer in feelings deh.

eh, emailnya di respond loh katanya, "We are interested in finding strong new members of Beadworks community but we work on a case by case basis. Could you tell me more about yourself and the intended location for the store(s)? Jakarta?"

gua jawab apa ye? "im an undergrad student in boston"? hehehe... mau nanya2 ah soal pinjem duit dari bank. kalo pinjem duit dari bank liability nya apa yah? kan saya tidak punya aset. im still financially supported by my daddy. gua bener2 tertarik untuk jadi franchisee nieh.

gua gak mau bilang2 dulu ama the big boss ah. takut dibilang anget2 tai ayam alias semangat cuman di awal doang. gua bullshit2 aja dulu ama si headquaternya. kalo udah tau process nya gimana dan cost nya berapa baru mau ngasih proposal.

anyway, besok gua ada meeting sama graduate admission mau nanya2 soal MBA program. kan gua selesai BSBA degree december ini. jadi gua udah mikir mau ngapain setelah selesai. sepertinya ngambil MBA. lagian gua pengen ambil MBA in Entrepreneurship since major gua skarang juga itu. amit2 accounting amit2 finance hehehe... semoga kelas yang di waive lumayan banyak jadi cuman setaun selesainya.

gelang hasil kreasi gua:

sedang sibuk

2008-04-02T02:25:00.009-04:00

aduh waktu seperti ini nih lagi stres-stresnya. tinggal 3 minggu lagi seblom exams, jadi tugas numpuk, presentations coming up, group meeting tiap waktu luang.presentations aja ada banyak. world lit 2 kali, entrepreneurship 3 kali, consumer behaviour 1 kali. 2 kelas presentationnya segroup.

jadi setiap waktu luang meeting weekend. weekend ini meeting kamis, jumat, minggu. yang kamis salah seorang personil grupnya baru nyampe boston jam 7 malem dari canada. alhasil meeting akal baru mulai jam 8 nih. yang mungkin bakal last at least 2 jam-an. padahal kan gua rencananya mau buat resume buat part time kerja summer ini.

mana mata iritasi lagi yang sebelah kanan. bener-bener harus di lasik nih kayaknya, soalnya katanya mata kanan gua gak kuat pake contact lense.sementara kalo pake kacamata terus gak enak. gimana mau les dance yang baru gua daftar kalo pake kacamata. knapa ngelunjaknya baru skarang pas gua udah dari smp pake contact lenses.

akhir2 ini ujan sama windy melulu lagi. jadi mata udah iritasi pake kacamata, keujanan rambut basah baju basah,
jalan ke kelas susah ketiup angin. harus bawa2 beberapa obat tetes yang harus di tetesin tiap 2 jam. antibiotics dan steroid. ya mataku pake steroid biar kuat kali ya.

dan gua dateng ke dokter specialist cornea yang gak ke cover sama school insurance. berkali2 lagi datengnya. aduh pengeluaran yang tidak perlu.. baru tanggal 1 tapi duit udah abis 30% dari total. mau nangis rasanya, yang tadinya duitnya mau dipake buat smile make over (gigi), jadi kepake buat bayar sakit gak penting gini.

hari ini seblom kelas harus ke dokter mata dulu jam 1. sebenernya kelas gua 2:30 dan takutnya ngantri dokter lama. walaupun appointment nya jam 1, kadang suka diserobot pasien trauma yang harus di kasih top priority. tapi the soonest availablenya hari ini, kalo gak harus minggu depan.jadi yah mau bagaimana lagi, bolos kelas ya bolos kelas deh.
saya mau cepat sembuh!

ditambah udah 4 malem trakhir i have trouble sleeping. baru bisa merem waktu matahari terbit. alhasil kalo ada kelas jam 10 cuman tidur 3 jam. hari minggu ke senin kemarin gua malah gak tidur ama skali. udah bolak balik di ranjang ratusan kali tetep gak bisa jatuh tidur. sampe metode ngitung domba yang gua jalanin gak mempan. gak tau kenapa nih...

yah memang sedang sibuk dan banyak assignments intinya. namanya juga hidup.

ntar bulan mei gua ngebaca post ini lagi juga gua ketawa2 lagi hehehe...

HOREEEEEEEEE ayo semangat!!!

neraka dan surga

2008-03-31T04:15:00.004-04:00

Apakah kamu pernah berpikir, ”Coba aku tidak pernah dilahirkan”?

Enak, tidak perlu mikirin apapun.
Tidak perlu mengenal dan merasakan kepahitan dunia, sakit hati, semua yang membuat hati menangis.
Tidak perlu capek-capek sekolah mengejar gelar yang hanya akan di buang di tumpukan kertas resume.
Tidak perlu banting tulang cari uang disisakan beberapa persen untuk bayar pajak yang dikorupsikan.
Tidak perlu menangis ditinggalkan orang yang dicintai ke alam mati.
Tidak perlu mengelus dada melihat kekejaman dunia yang saling membunuh sesama.

Hanya kosong terbang di alam ketiadaan.

Mungkin neraka adalah dunia itu sendiri.
Manusia terlahir dan tidak bisa memilih keluarganya, status sosialnya, warna kulitnya, kebodohan atau kepintarannya, dan keberuntungannya sendiri.

Bagus jika ia terlahir di keluarga kaya raya mau apapun bisa didapat, tapi belum tentu ia bahagia.
Diselimuti oleh kemurungan orang tua yang punya istri kedua atau kisah percintaan sendiri yang melulu gagal.
Bagus jika ia terlahir di keluarga miskin bebas dari intrik drama orang kaya, tapi cari makan saja susah.
Diselimuti oleh kekhawatiran sewaktu-waktu bisa digusur dari hunian beralaskan kardus lipat.

Lain ceritanya jika ia tidak pernah lahir.

Memang, jika tak terlahirkan ia tidak akan merasakan kemanisan dunia.
Tidak bisa melihat indahnya ciptaan Tuhan yang terbentang dari Kutub Utara sampai Selatan.
(Tapi apa tetap bisa melihat bila ia kere?)
Tidak bisa mendengar lagu ciptaan manusia atau nyanyian burung gembira.
(Tapi apa tetap bisa mendengar bila ia tuli?)

Memang, jika tak terlahirkan ia tidak akan merasakan indahnya dunia.
Tapi ia juga tidak akan merasakan piciknya dunia.
Lebih banyak mana? Kebahagiaan atau Kesusahan?
Setelah kau dipuncak, pasti kau jatuh ke bawah.
Setelah kau merasakan kebahagiaan, pasti kau merasakan kesusahan.
Artinya sama saja dong banyaknya?

Lain ceritanya jika ia tidak pernah lahir.
Hanya kosong terbang di alam ketiadaan.

Jika bisa memilih dilahirkan atau tidak. Apakah kamu tetap akan menjawab “Ya”?

Mungkin neraka adalah dunia itu sendiri,
dan surga itu adalah alam ketiadaan.

doggy

2008-03-20T13:40:00.005-04:00

ziggy sofyar's performance at rama's station.

isn't he the cutest? he was even wearing a phoenix suns jersey.

i want a puppy soooo bad... i went to see a lady here in arizona who breeds maltese and fell in love with one of the puppies. i was even gonna go back to the lady and give her the deposit so i could take the puppy back with me to boston. too bad my apartment doesn't allow dogs... only cats. dammit. *tears*.

iv been looking at maltese, shit-zu, and lhasa apso at pet shops. i feel like fainting every time i look at those puppies.

dibagi rata?

2008-03-18T13:58:00.001-04:00

udah baca commentnya anonymous yang panjang banget dari post 'tipping' blom? Panjangnya udah kayak essay. Lebih panjang kali.

buset deh. protes2 soal orang kaya 1% dari world population yang contribute 50% kekayaan seluruh amerika. protes2 mereka ngejar duit, mereka semakin kaya sementara yang miskin semakin miskin. yang miskin gak dapet bagian.

“In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for any of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT.”

“The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. So don’t fall for any of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductible contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT.”

Warren Buffet kurang apa? The 2nd richest man in the world, donated 85% of his fortune of US$44 billion. The amount would be US$ 37 billion.

Oke deh Larry Ellison ‘cuman’ ngedonate US$790 which is cuman 4% dari seluruh kekayaan nya dan spent million on luxury toys (yacht, cars, jets, etc). tapi bukannya dia nge provide lapangan kerja buat manusia2?
At least dia donate. gak usah donate asal show compassion juga gak papa. tapi kalo udah jadi orang paling kaya suatu negara, tapi gak mau merasa bersalah atas destructionnya atas suatu kota karena bisnisnya sih keterlauan.

emang bener yang kaya makin kaya dan yang miskin makin miskin. Tapi mereka juga contribute to the society. Nyediain lapangan kerja buat orang2. Bikin foundation segala macem.

Abis mau di apain dong? Dibagi sama rata? Yang males2an sama yang kerja keras dapet income yang sama? Itu bukan dunia namanya. Kalo gitu mana ada yang mau jadi supir, jadi pekerja pabrik, jadi petani? Dunia gak akan jalan. Namanya juga dunia. Life is unfair.

Mungkin cuman millionaires yang si anonymous kenal aja yang cuman bisanya seneng2 maruk tanpa rasa kesian. ngeliat orang lain susah.

haduh. kalo dia terlahir dari keluarga yang 1% itu juga gak bakal protes.

stereotyping the stereotypical white bitch

2008-03-12T21:31:00.002-04:00

Ok im tuning to my bitch mode.

I know there is an unspoken custom to hold the door for someone behind you. Iv been doing this since I was tall enough to open a door myself. But is it a requirement to hold the door for a normal person who is 15 feet behind you?

So I was walking up the stairs and opened the door. My peripheral vision saw a girl walking up the stairs more or less 15 feet behind me. I was in a hurry and with that distance, I couldn’t possibly hurt her by not holding the door. But as I walked away, I heard this lady screaming, “It would be nice to hold the door miss!” I thought she wasn’t shouting at me since hellowww… she was way far before reaching the door. Then she poked me with her fingers and repeated the same statement.

“you shoudve held the door for me. It almost hit my face”

“excuse me, but u were way far”

did the door close so slow that it almost hit her face? Even if it did, couldn’t she push the door herself?

“you asians are very inconsiderate”

what the fcuk? Cant she even say it louder? Some people were walking and some even stopped to see what was happening.

Since I was in a hurry, late for class, I just walked away. I swear if I unleash my hidden temper, she wouldn’t make it across the hall alive.

Ngapain bawa2 “you asians” heh?!

Then she said, “you can’t even say sorry?!”

I don’t need too, bitch. U’re the lazy ass princess wannabe woman who demand everyone to hold the door for you even if you’re taking 1000 years to get to the door.

you think you're so hot with your bleached blond hair and fake tan that looked like you've been dipped into orange paint, you can call us asians inconsiderate? go see the world then come back to me.

tipping

2008-03-03T16:56:00.001-05:00

Bedanya makan ke restoran asia dan ke restoran ‘bule’ di amerika yang mungkin dirasa bukan hanya oleh gua tapi juga orang lain, adalah service.

Mungkin banyak yang bilang kalo ke restoran asia, pelayannya kurang ramah dibanding yang bule. Kalo yang bule banyak tersenyum dan suka berkunjung sekedar bertanya enak ato gak makanannya, asia cuman ala kadarnya aja. Kalo minuman abis, pelayan restoran bule langsung sigap datang mengisi air lagi tanpa diminta, kalo asia harus melambaikan tangan dulu.

Enakan mana hayo? Menurut gua sih enakan yang asia. Kalo restoran bule, setiap meja punya server tertentu. Tentu juga restoran asia. Setiap pelayan di assign meja mana aja yang harus dia urusin. Tapi bedanya, kalo restoran bule dapet tip dari meja yang dia urusin, sementara kebanyakan restoran asia semua tip di kumpulin dan dibagi rata ke semua.

Hasilnya? Kalo di restoran bule kita mau order sesuatu lagi, kita melambaikan tangan sementara yang lewat server lain, dia cuek melenggang kangkung saja atau gak bilang, “I’ll get your server”. Sementara kalo ke restoran asia, kalo kita butuh sesuatu kita melambaikan tangan ke siapa aja permintaan kita dikabulkan.

Kalo diliat di wikipedia arti tip adalah “unrequired payment”. Dan karena gua kurang kerjaan nungguin group meeting yang baru 1.5 jam lagi, gua liat Negara mana aja yang expect dikasih tip di restoran. Kebanyakan Negara don’t expect it bahkan ada yang malah tersinggung kalo dikasih tip. Sementara di US, tipping dianggap sebagai social obligation.

Kalo kita datang ke kota turis di US, NYC misalnya. Kadang kita sebagai turis atau orang asia kurang dilayani seperti layaknya customer bule yang lain. Kenapa? Karena gua pernah baca tipping terkadang dihubungin dengan racial prejudice. Kadang etnis minoritas tertentu tidak bisa membayar sebanyak orang lain.

2 tahun yang lalu ketika ade gua datang berkunjung ketika summer holiday ke boston, dia dan temennya pulang naik taxi dari suatu tempat. Sampai2 depan apartment, argo taksi nunjukin $12. Dan mereka memberi $20.

“how much do you want it back?” si tukang taksi bertanya.

“$8 please” mereka menjawab unaware kalo tipping itu suatu obligasi.

Sambil menarik dan menghempuskan nafas si tukang taksi memberikan kembalian, “there’s no tip in your laguange huh?”

Is the rudeness necessary pak?

Untuk restoran, kalo lunch at least harus ngasih 10%-15%, kalo dinner 18%-20%. Dan kalo kurang, terkadang kita dikejar2. Sampe restoran asia pun sang pelayan rela mempermalukan kita di depan banyak orang karena tip yang diberikan hanya kurang $1!

Padahal kalo dipikir2, sebenarnya persenan tip itu adalah cerminan seberapa bagusnya service yang mereka berikan. Jadi seharusnya mereka sadar diri bukan kalo service yang mereka berikan dibawah rata2, tip yang diberikan juga dibawah rata2. Bukannya justru ngedumel ato dikejar2 ato justru memberikan stereotype tertentu kepada etnis orang yang memberikan.

Home Depot dulu menerapkan gaji persenan yang tergantung dari goods yang seorang employee jual. Misalnya, ada yang berhasil persuade customer untuk beli lawn mower keluaran terbaru yang mahal, dia akan memdapatkan persenan yang mahal juga. Semakin mahal dan banyak barang yang ia jual kepada customer, semakin gede pesenannya.

Gak lama para pendirinya bapak Bernie Marcus dan Arthur Blank, menyadari kalo setiap customer harus mendapatkan service excellent apapun barang yang ia beli. Mau beli lawn mower seharga $2000 atau sebuah baut seharga 25 cents harus sama2 mendapatkan service yang sama. Sementara kalo mereka tetep menerapkan gaji persenan seperti dulu bisa gak terjadi dong? Yang ada para employees berlomba2 bertanya customer mau beli apa, sementara kalo mereka cuman mau beli baut, mereka tidak akan dilayani layaknya customer yang mau merombak abis rumahnya.

Seperti layaknya restoran. Menurut saya, menurut saya loh, mendingan tip itu dibagi sama rata supaya semua pelayan semangat melayani semuanya. Selain kita sebagai customer bisa memesan order atau minta tolong kepada siapaun selain server meja kita, kita juga tidak disinisin kalo hanya memesan sepiring berdua sementara meja sebelah memesan 2 botol wine.

Biar sebuah restoran dikenal dengan service yang bagus secara keseluruhan, bukan hanya beberapa meja saja dengan customers yang banyak menghabiskan uang, atau seorang pelayan yang hanya melayani meja yang ditugaskan.

mobilitas sosial

2008-02-26T23:01:00.003-05:00

Tadi di kelas ngomongin social mobility. Dibilang bahwa kemungkinan seseorang naik ke status social yang lebih tinggi lebih besar di amerika dibanding Negara lain, especially asian cultures.

Saya tidak setuju. Karena memang saya orangnya memang pemalu dan males ngomong dikelas, gua gak angkat tangan untuk memperdebatkan idealisme tersebut.

Mobilitas sosial terjadi ketika seseorang, sebuah keluarga atau sebuah grup status sosial bisa berubah dihidup mereka melalui social hierarchy system. Ato bahasa gampangnya, naik turun di tangga class system. Misalnya, office boy kerja keras lama kelamaan naik pangkat dan naik pangkat akhirnya jadi boss.
kalo turun status sosial mah dimana sama aja. Seseorang yang sukses, mau di new york ato di Timbuktu, bisa aja jadi bangkrut turun status sosial dari orang kaya jadi pengemis. Tapi gua ngomongin kenaikan status sosial. Lebih gampang di Indonesia daripada di amerika.

Walaupun di amerika banyak kisah extreme, seperti Sheldon adelson yang mudanya jualan Koran dan bapaknya seorang tukang taksi dan seorang college drop out , skarang jadi orang paling kaya no 6 di dunia dengan gambling empire-nya. Atau seperti larry Ellison yang grew up di daerah lower middle class jews, gak tau bapaknya siapa, dan juga seorang college drop out, skarang jadi orang paling kaya no 11 didunia thanks to oracle.

Tapi orang seperti itu cuman berapa persen dari skian banyak. Kebanyakan manusia amerika berlomba2 untuk kuliah, mendapatkan nilai bagus, dan akhirnya mendapatkan degree dari sebuah sekolah ternama, in hopeful untuk kerja dan mempunyai jabatan yang memuaskan. Sebuah pekerjaan yang seorang dapatkan tergantung dari degree yang ia punya. Kalo gak punya degree tersebut, kemungkinan untuk mendapatkan perkerjaan itu sangat kecil. Naik pangkat juga susah kalo gak punya degree yang diminta, makanya banyak orang sekolah lagi in hopeful bisa ngalahin orang2 lebih muda yang mempunyai degree lebih tinggi. Semuanya udah ‘punya blok blok’ sendiri.

Sementara di Indonesia, sebuah degree ‘tidak terlalu penting’ untuk menentukan pekerjaan seseorang. Ya tentunya kalo mau jadi dokter ato professor ya penting. But im talking about pekerjaan lain. Seorang bisa naik pangkat dengan kerja keras walaupun gak punya degree tertentu. Seseorang bisa merubah nasibnya dengan bekerja keras. well, i prefer the term work smart than work hard.

Ya emang gak semua orang indonesia bisa merubah nasibnya (makanya orang bodoh di kalah kan oleh orang pintar, orang pintar dikalahkan orang cerdas, dan orang cerdas dikalahkan oleh orang beruntung), tapi kemungkinan naik status sosial lebih besar di Indonesia di banding amerika.

Dari direkturnya Citibank jaman dulu yang seorang office boy bisa naik corporate ladder jadi direktur, dari seorang pengrajin batik di jawa sana yang skarang jadi exporter batik ke manca Negara yang untungnya milyaran per taun, dari seorang tukang mesin fotokopi sekarang eksport greeting cards ke amerika, dan masih banyak lagi. Sampe orang kampung gak berpendidikan bisa naik status sosial jadi selebriti dengan maen satu sinetron doang (yang ini agak ngeledek nih).

Yah that’s my thought. Asal naik status sosial gak jadi lupa diri aja, asal gak jadi seorang stereotypical orang kaya baru, mari kita semua bangsa Indonesia menjadi sukses.

Aaamien.

paranoia yang melewati batas

2008-02-23T23:14:00.005-05:00

pada hari dewasa ini gua banyak menyaksikan kisah2 suami kawin lagi.
banyak yang udah berumur 50an beranak dua atau tiga tiba2 punya istri muda.
atau hari dewasa ini gua banyak menyaksikan cowo2 yang udah punya cewe masih genit.

mengkhawatirkan.

karena itu

dahulu kala gua pernah bertekad untuk gak akan pernah yang namanya menikah.
pacaran aja pusing, gimana menikah.
pacaran aja sering berantem, gimana menikah.
pacaran aja cowo suka ngelirik cewe laen,
gimana menikah yang bertaun2 ama cewe yang sama.
dan masih banyak laennya.
supaya hari tua gak kesepian dan mati gak ada yang urusin,
gua mau punya anak lewat sperm donor aja.

karena itu

dahulu kala gua pernah mengikrarkan diri untuk gak pernah lagi pacaran sama cowo yang lebih muda.
seumuran juga gak mau. at least 3 taun lebih tua.
malah pernah sempet kepikiran cari calon pendamping hidup yang jauhhhhh lebih tua.
kayak 15 taun lebih tua. 20 taun lebih tua juga gak papa.
guanya masih muda, dianya udah puas maen2 ama cewe.
jadi probabiliti untuk dia macem2 semakin kecil.

karena itu

dahulu kalo gua sempet gak mau yang namanya pacaran serius.
buat maen2 aja. buat seneng2 aja.
jadi gak ada yang namanya makan hati kalo kenapa2.
kalo dia ama cewe laen ya gua juga cari cowo laen.
susah amat.

paranoia yang melewati batas? bisa dibilang bgitu.

pada hari dewasa ini gua cuman pengen cowo yang nganggep gua segalanya.
paling semua dari semuanya.
sama seperti kemauan wanita2 lain.
seperti Romeo menganggap Juliet.
seperti Shah Jahan menganggap Mumtaz Mahal.
seperti Tristan menganggap Iseult.

mungkin gua bisa dibilang terlalu sensitif.
tapi kalo gua dibilang paling tapi yang dibanggakan 'gila' itu yang lain,
gimana gua bisa percaya bahwa gua itu yang paling?